Letters To My Dad #10

Dear Dad,

I know it’s been awhile.  Life has been crazy busy and just flat out hard.  We all got Covid and then Hannah’s turned into pneumonia.  Add the sickness to the fact that Hannah doesn’t sleep and quite frankly I can barely form words written or spoken.  I feel like I’m walking around in a zombie-like state constantly.  My brain is mush.  I can barely carry on a conversation most days and just kinda have withdrawn into my bubble where it is safe and I don’t have to explain myself to anyone or answer questions or tell people how I feel…..because let’s face it that is exhausting in itself.

Anyway, today is Easter Sunday and also 7 months since you left us for Heaven.  I started out feeling sad this morning but then as I pondered on what the meaning of today is a smile came across my face and I actually sensed a feeling of joy in my heart.  Because of today, and the fact that Jesus rose from the grave, it is the reason I have hope and that I know I’ll see you again.  I took a few minutes and thanked the Lord for His sacrifice and forgiveness of our sins so one day I can be reunited with you for all eternity.  Goodbyes will never have to take place once we are in Heaven and because of that, this Easter (Resurrection Sunday) I think has even more meaning for me now than it ever has before.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and miss you.  I have found myself comforted by the fact that you are no longer in pain and that your medical issues are no more.  Hannah still talks about you multiple times each day and says she’s ready for Heaven with Jesus and Boompa.  Her grief, although displayed differently than most people, is there and it breaks my heart for her.  But, her faith, knowing she will see you again is quite amazing.  You know Hannah never cries…..for any reason, but she’s seen me cry so much the past 7 months that she will put her arms around me, pat my back and say “it will be okay mama, I miss Boompa too, I’m right here.”  God love her precious heart.

Mom, Dennis and Otis are good.  Mom is heading to the beach with Diane and the Mason’s next week and then Dennis is taking her to Jacksonville the week after that so she can go on vacation with Tracy and Sharon.  You know mom, she loves and wants to travel so we are trying to make that happen for her.  If I was able I’d take her on some trips myself, maybe one day we can make that happen.

I had myself a new necklace made and it just makes me feel close to you.  It’s my favorite picture of you and Hannah.

Anyway, I know it has been awhile and today seemed appropriate to write another letter.  I’m sure the celebration in Heaven today is nothing short of amazing and in my human mind I’m sure I can’t even begin to comprehend how spectacular it truly is.  Is it okay to say I’m jealous of Jesus today?  Jealous He gets to be with you and I don’t!?  Again, my human mind and heart…..so I’m hoping He understands my thought process in that.

I’ll never stop missing you and I love you forever dad.

I love you,

Tam

Until I see you again!