Eleven years ago today I witnessed 2 miracles happen right before my very eyes. I witnessed not only the miracle of childbirth, but the miracle of my child SURVIVING birth. A tiny, 6 pound 0.1 ounce baby girl with a head full of black hair and almond-shaped blue eyes entered this world and not only survived birth but turns 11 years old today.
We were told at week 17 of our pregnancy that we were thinking “emotionally instead of logically” because we refused to abort “our fetus;” and that we didn’t know what we were facing by allowing her to be born. Oh, but as Dennis told that doctor….”you don’t know my God!” Eleven and a half years ago we were given the CHOICE to continue Hannah’s life or to end it. For us, there was no choice and looking back there are still no regrets.
I know that if you keep up with me on Facebook or follow this blog; you might think at times that I have regrets because of how difficult live has been, especially the last 3 years with Hannah, but make no mistake; no matter what we go through with her, I will never, ever, ever regret choosing life for her. To think that a doctor not only gave us that choice to make but then criticized us for NOT making the “right choice” (aka abortion) still to this day, confounds me and angers me. Isn’t it amazing when you go through certain challenging times or tragic times in your life that you can remember every single detail of those times? Well, I remember every single detail of that day in the high-risk OB’s office….from what I wore to what the doctor said verbatim. I remember the grief, sadness, uncontrollable tears that Dennis and I both felt; but I also remember the PEACE. The peace that only God can give during your most difficult moments. I remember not knowing how to pray but I do remember that feeling of the emphatic “NO” I practically yelled at the doctor when he asked us the 2nd time if we wanted to abort. I even remember him going so far as to say, “we can do the procedure tomorrow, you can rest and return to work in a few days and then try again to get pregnant if you want in 3-4 months…..no harm, no foul.” NO HARM, NO FOUL? How could he say that? He has just given me permission to kill my baby…..how would that be no harm and no foul? To this day, his words haunt me. To this day I get angry when I think of it and to this day it saddens me greatly to think of all the women who have made that heart-wrenching decision opposite of what I did. I just cannot fathom the guilt and despair I would have lived in and still be living had I “practiced my right to choose.” I have had people question me on my stance against abortion and my answer this past 11 years always takes me back to that day on March 8, 2005 when the doctor gave me a choice…..to continue with my pregnancy or terminate it. It was an emphatic no then and still would be today.
Today, I have an 11-year-old. Today I celebrate her life. As difficult as the past 11 years have been, mainly with her health issues, I wouldn’t trade or change one single thing. Because of Hannah, I am stronger than I ever realized. I am more resilient than I ever dreamed and I know God better now than I have ever known Him. I am more free in my way of thinking and in my actions. I have learned the true meaning of grace, mercy and perseverance and I have learned what love is all about. All of those things I have learned because of a little girl who the doctors told me to abort.
Today, we will celebrate Hannah all day. She is so excited about her birthday and has been talking about it for 2 weeks. She wants chocolate cake and lots of presents and even told me this year what she wanted (and yes she is getting all of it). HA! I am thankful for another year with her as we weren’t guaranteed one day and God has given us 11 years. It is difficult to put into words how special that is to know that He continues to perform miracle after miracle and has left her with us this long. I am not living in a dream world…..I know life is but a vapor and I try to cherish life with her; even in the most difficult of days; and we have many of them. I am just so grateful that no matter how challenging, how hard, how sad some days are that God blessed me with Hannah. Dennis and I are so blessed to call her our daughter and God truly has used her to reveal Himself to us so many times; not to mention miracle after miracle after miracle!
Happy Birthday Hannah….mommy and daddy love you so very much! There are not enough words to express how deep our love is for you. We are the blessed ones and today we celebrate you!
Until next time………