Broken Together

After having a conversation last night with a sweet friend, it got me thinking about the “fairytale” that most girls believe about marriage.  You know…the prince that sweeps the princess off of her feet, he fights for her, protects her, he defeats the bad guy, they get married, they have lots of money and they live…..happily ever after!  You know….that story.  The false impression every Disney movie, Hallmark movie and chic flick (romantic comedy) portrays.  Not that I don’t love those kind-of movies, I do, but, for most of us, maybe not all, that is truly a fairytale and fairytales DON’T come true.

Now, I know people who would probably disagree with me and maybe you are one of those that has had that fairytale romance/marriage.  If so, wow, you are one of the few!  I also know people who realized early on that they made the biggest mistake of their life marrying who they thought was their prince charming or princess (for you men out there).  I never want to say that failed marriage is only the man’s fault because we all know it takes two to make a marriage and two to break it, for the most part anyway.  I could write a whole blog on abuse, abandonment and adultery here, but I won’t.  Minus those issues, it takes two.  Now, I speak from experience, because I have had a failed marriage. It isn’t something I speak of often but I also don’t live or hide underneath a rock and pretend it didn’t happen.  Would I have done things differently hindsight 20/20?  Absolutely….I wouldn’t have married him!  But, I did and that is on me….my mistake and I found out VERY quickly just how big of a mistake it was!

I met Dennis shortly after my divorce and saying I came with baggage is an understatement!  I came with a PILE of baggage and we had to work through a lot for me to even trust him because of my lack of trust and belief that there was a good man out there and he was it.  We had big hopes and dreams for our future together and truly our marriage started off really great!  We were in love….in awe and HAPPY!  Very happy with each other and our life together.  We were certain we would have our Happily Ever After.  That was until our world was ROCKED and we were shaken to our core with the news we received at 17 weeks of pregnancy.

Our precious little girl who was conceived in love was not “perfect” in the eyes of this world.  She had an extra chromosome that was going to keep her from being “perfect.”  She would have trouble mentally and physically and at that moment our dreams died, our hopes were shattered and our perfect world came crashing down.  Am I being dramatic here….NO!  I remember not even knowing how to pray the next 20 weeks of our pregnancy.  I didn’t want this.  I was angry.  I was sad.  I was in complete and utter disbelief.  How could God allow this to happen to me?  What did I do to deserve this punishment?  True and harsh, but it is how I felt.  My world was turned upside down and I was broken.  Dennis was broken.  We could have been broken apart because of this news but instead we CHOSE to be broken together.

Broken together…..that is how the last 9 1/2 years has been for us.  We have not had chances to completely heal from our individual brokenness before another roller coaster loop hits and sends us spiraling back down out of control.  So, in a lot of ways we have never recovered.  We have had MANY joys along the way.  Many times of happiness and laughter; but always in some aspect waiting for the other shoe to drop….which in our case, always does.  Now, I don’t mean it is always gloom and doom….this past year, yes….perhaps, but not always.  But, in some ways we have never been whole again.  Sometimes our brokenness is slight….just a little sadness that we hide extremely well.  Sometimes it is just an ache in our heart that we can’t shake but it is always there.  Most of the time we have never spoken of it to others and even each other.  We desperately try not to dwell on the sadness and heartache but focus on the good, positive and joyful moments!

This past year that has been more difficult and we have acknowledged our brokenness more to each other and to others.  I think the word “broken” is a good word to describe the feeling.  It seems to incorporate the sadness, fear, anxiety, hopelessness and grief that we feel…..A LOT.  I was thinking last night as I was lying in bed because my eyes wouldn’t shut to save my life, about that brokenness.  I was thinking about how it could have destroyed us years ago and didn’t.  How this past year was and still is the most trying time we have been through and yet here we are still broken, but together.

I am thankful…..I am thankful that Dennis and I can be happy together and broken together.  I am thankful for a husband that supports us financially.  I am thankful for a man who isn’t afraid to cry.  A man who isn’t too proud to admit that he is broken at times and a man who FIGHTS with everything he has for his wife and child.  I am thankful that even though we are broken…..we are broken together and not apart.

Life is not easy; especially this road we are walking but I am so blessed to have a husband that is willing to continue on this path with me no matter what.  We are walking it broken, yet together and even if we don’t get our Happily Ever After here on earth…..we will in Heaven.

Hmmmmm, maybe we will get our fairytale ending after all!


Until next time…….


Rough Day, So Much and Finding Joy

It’s been a ROUGH day.  I am not going to lie.  I cried not once, not twice but three different times all before 11am.  My heart is broken, not for me only, but for Hannah mostly.  In between rages, there is sadness.  All she talks about during those sad moments are “Hannah go school” and “Daddy back home.”  She misses school so desperately and hates that Dennis has to work.  She wants him home 24/7.  I am thinking since he can now retire (he just finished his 20th year with JSO) then maybe he should do just that and I should go back to work.  Although, if I need to leave the house to go to Publix or Target all I hear is “Mommy back home?” and she will tell me to “come right back”.  The anger, sadness, anxiety and OCD are out of control again and we don’t know why.  It is truly devastating to live this life.  It is heartbreaking to watch your precious little girl struggle.  After each rage, she falls asleep (a cat nap) and wakes up sad.  We aren’t sure if the “falling asleep” is because they are actually seizures or if the rage takes so much out of her that she goes to sleep….we have NO answers.  Hannah is back on her old seizure medication but at this time, it isn’t helping and we feel lost and helpless.

I texted Dennis earlier to tell him that Hannah had fallen asleep on her bedroom floor.  He responded that what we are going through takes him back to the emotional roller coaster ride of her first open-heart surgery when we almost lost her about 3 different times.  I responded to him, “this is worse” and he agreed.

It made me think about all Hannah has been through.  Three open-heart surgeries, 7 ear tube surgeries, 2 heart catheterizations, G-tube surgery, Endoscopies, Colonoscopies, Eye-duct surgery, 2 MRI’s, 5 EEG’s, many ECHO’s and EKG’s, many x-rays and too many to even try to count blood draws.  This isn’t even all of  it, but you get the picture.  I look back over those times and how scary they were (the surgeries) and now think those were easy compared to this.  Hannah has been through so much and is right now experiencing things that don’t even compare.  At least with open-heart surgery the problem can be fixed.  We are facing something right now that can’t be, without a miracle from God, and that is truly difficult to accept.


I have seen and read a lot lately about finding joy in your circumstances.  We all go through things that are difficult; some things are literally hell on earth and finding joy and happiness is quite frankly….impossible!  I have reasoned with myself that finding joy in my circumstances isn’t happening.  There is no joy to be had BUT I can find my joy in Jesus (yes, I believe there is a difference).  My joy comes from HIM alone.  I can find that joy in Him because of my hope that I have in Him.  My hope for eternity.  My hope that this world is not my home and my hope that one day, none of this is going to matter.  My hope in no more sickness, no more pain, no more tears, no more sorrow and no death!  THAT, my friends is where I find my joy.  I don’t find it in my circumstances, forgive me if that sounds horrible, but it is the truth.  If not for my faith and hope in Christ, you would most likely see me giving up and throwing in the towel on this life.  No lie there people!  If not for HIM and His love, grace, mercy and strength that He ALONE provides me, this blog post would be entitled “Giving Up.”



So, there you have it… feeling and belief in finding joy in my circumstances…..I might not see the joy and happiness right now in my circumstances but I find it in JESUS!  He is the reason I smile, He is the reason I have hope and He is the reason that I won’t give up no matter how difficult it gets.


Until next time……

Rant, Just One Hug and Broken Heart

I have been accused at times of being too private and not letting anyone in and now being too open, forthcoming and transparent.  I have learned that you can’t please everyone.  I make choices as to what I share or don’t share and those are my choices to make.  My only advice to those that find me too open is not to read what I write.  I have said MANY times this is my therapy but I also know we have a TON of prayer warriors that want to pray specifically and this blog allows them to do that.  Trust me, I don’t share everything.  There are some things just too ugly to share but I am opening up my world so that if even just ONE person is experiencing something like we are, they will know they are not alone.  Had I had ONE person to glean from this past 9 1/2 years my world wouldn’t have felt so lonely.  I didn’t have that, especially early on and I don’t want anyone else to feel the loneliness and isolation that I did and still do.  So, that is my rant.  If you don’t like what I write or don’t like me for some reason, DON’T read it….that simple!  I apologize to anyone that reads this first paragraph and it doesn’t apply to you but it really infuriates me when I hear that I am TOO open, transparent and authentic when that is MY GOAL!  I have said that from the beginning of all of this.  Easy solution…..don’t read what I write!

Warning:  I am fixing to get transparent here………

When Hannah is in a flare, I can’t touch her…..nothing!  It is even difficult to bathe her because she doesn’t want me that close.  I can’t even hug my child because she will attack me by hitting, scratching, kicking, biting or pulling my hair.  It is not constant….but I just don’t know when she will or won’t attack.  I will walk by her and kiss the top of her head or quickly rub her back but that is about it.  I cannot hug her and the only way I will attempt to give her a kiss on the face is if I hold both of her hands so she cannot attack me.  It is truly heartbreaking.  I just want one hug….that is all…..just one!

This morning, after her first “attack” I just started crying.  Sometimes I cry, other times I walk away because I am angry and sometimes I just sit there and let her keep attacking; just depends on the mood I am in.  Today, I am more emotional and I just started crying.  After her “attack” she became lethargic and fell asleep for about 10 minutes.  When she woke up, I was still sitting there with tears streaming down my face and she looked at me and said, “mama, broken heart?”  It was in the form of a question because the look on her face was “why are you crying?”  Broke my heart even more because I truly don’t think she knows what she is doing when she is doing it.  Whether this is more seizure activity (which we suspect) or a PANDAS flare (which in my opinion is happening as well)….she really just doesn’t know how to either stop the attacks or is so out of it that she doesn’t know they are even happening.  So frustrating for Dennis and me and yet…..I cannot imagine how it makes her feel.

Specific prayer request…..our Neurologist wanted to move our appointment up from the end of March to February 17th.  So, we will be traveling to Tampa to see him.  Our prayer is number one, he will order IVIG and number two, that he will be able to give Hannah a diagnosis that insurance will accept.  I am also praying that he will go ahead and do another MRI and possibly EEG just to see if we have had changes since the last ones.  At this point, I don’t care if he puts Hannah in the hospital.  We just need the appropriate tests run, the diagnosis that will get her IVIG and quickly!  We honestly cannot continue to live like this.  I never thought, as parents, we would experience anything of this nature.  Who knew that strep or other bacterial infections could cause a disease that messes so horrifically with a child’s brain.  It is truly heartbreaking and devastating.

Thank you, each and everyone who are praying for us……your prayers are carrying us through the darkest time of our life!

I thought a "hugging" picture was appropriate!  This was during those 2 months where we "had her back."  I haven't had a hug like this since!  I so miss my hugs!

I thought a “hugging” picture was appropriate! This was during those 2 months where we “had her back.” I haven’t had a hug like this since! I so miss my hugs!

Until next time…….


Little Girl Gone

Her brain is on fire.  She can’t control her behavior, her emotions, her actions.  She tries, but she cannot.  She is sad.  She is full of anxiety, cannot be alone.  She won’t play.  She is angry and aggressive.  The little girl I once had… gone.  I pray she isn’t gone forever.  I pray that this is temporary.  I pray for a cure.  I pray for relief for her little brain and body.  I pray for happiness and joy to return.  I pray….until I cannot form words; when all there is are sobs and my heart begging for relief from this nightmare.  My little girl is gone, not physically but emotionally and mentally and I am not sure we will ever get her back whole again.

I was thinking about my sweet Grandma Stapp today.  She was my dad’s mom.  To know her was to love her.  She was quiet (nothing like my dad or me).  She was calm, sweet…..gracious.  I never heard her raise her voice.  Never saw her angry and never heard her say a bad word…..until she was gone, her brain that is.  Grandma was a school teacher for 44 years.  My grandfather passed away when my dad was 13 years old and his brother, my Uncle Lee, was 5 years old.  Grandma was a widow and never remarried.  She raised 2 incredible young men….alone and she did a marvelous job.

I was a teenager in the 80’s when Grandma was diagnosed with “hardening of the arteries.”  They didn’t use the terms dementia or Alzheimer’s back then, but that is what it was.  Grandma was gone….her brain didn’t function properly and she changed……drastically!  I remember I would go with my dad every Saturday to Ms. Cato’s house.  Ms. Cato was Grandma’s caregiver and I would sit and visit with Grandma while dad and Ms. Cato talked.  Grandma was full of anger.  Filled with paranoia and the words that would come out of her mouth would make a sailor blush.  Now, for the record, Grandma would have been mortified in her actions, words and behavior had she known what she was doing; but she didn’t.  As a teenager, I remember laughing at her using the language she did….I thought is was “cool” to hear Grandma cuss!  In reality though, looking back now, I know she would have NEVER wanted me to hear those words come out of her mouth.  She would have been devastated if she had known she had ever spoken like that.  Grandma was probably the Godliest woman I have EVER known.  She loved the Lord.  She served in her church.  She loved her family, especially Tracy and I, as we were the only grandkids she had.  She was a saint, until her brain malfunctioned.

I know Hannah doesn’t suffer from dementia or Alzheimer’s, but the way Hannah has been since March reminds me of my Grandma.  The sweet, loving, affectionate, caring little girl who I once had….is no longer.  She is angry, sad, anxious and if Hannah knew what words to say, I am sure she would let some dirty ones fly.  Fortunately, other than a couple that “accidentally” get said in front of her (by me), she doesn’t know any.  Yes, in my family, if there is a cuss word said, it is by me, not Dennis…..I know…..naughty me!  Just keeping it real here people.  I digress……..

I am sad today.  No, sad isn’t the word….grieving, horrified, lost and broken, those are probably the words that best describe how I feel.  I am grieving for the little girl I once had.  Horrified at the life we are living.  Lost because I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.  Broken because my heart is shattered and I feel as if my world has crumbled.  I can’t help….there is nothing that I can do and as a mom there is no worse feeling.  All I can do is love this little girl that at times is completely unlovable.  All I can do is preserver and pray that God touches her little body and heals her.  All I can do is wait……wait to see God’s plan unravel and in the meantime praise Him in this storm.

Praise Him……that is hard when you are going through the valley.  Be thankful in everything is nearly impossible when “everything” is a nightmare.  Finding joy when there is no joy to be found.  Have you been there?  Have you gotten to the place in your life where praising God, being thankful and being joyful is nearly impossible?  I am there now, but you know what?  I am going to praise Him.  I am going to be thankful and I am going to find joy.  I might not find joy in my circumstances but I WILL find joy in Jesus… HOPE, my REDEEMER and my SAVIOR!   I will cry and break but then I will allow Him to fill me with His love, peace, mercy and grace and I will carry on another day because that is ALL He has asked of me.  Is it difficult?  ABSOLUTELY…..but, without Him I would have given up and WITH HIM…..He won’t let me!

Thank you Lord…..thank you for holding me.  Thank you for allowing me to be human but then taking this pain, sorrow, hopelessness and helplessness and using it for YOUR glory!  I will carry on and WHEN God gives us our miracle……I will sing His praises because the fact is…..HE ALONE IS WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!  No matter what!

I have used this picture before but the sign behind Hannah's head seems very appropriate today!

I have used this picture before but the sign behind Hannah’s head seems very appropriate today!

Until next time………

Hell Week

To say the past week has been difficult is putting it mildly.  I have referred to it numerous times as “hell week.”  I know, shame on me for using that naughty word, but there are 2 facts here…..first, there is no other way to describe it and second, it isn’t the only naughty word I have used this week, so be thankful I am not typing those!

I am so ready to get off this never-ending, vicious, horrific nightmare of a roller coaster ride that our life is consisting of.  Just when you get a slight break and you are starting to find your hope and joy again; BOOM, it hits you like a freight train and you are taking those drops and dips, not to mention a couple or three loops thrown in there about every hour!  It is enough to drive the sanest person crazy and I will be the first to admit that at times I stand pretty close to the insane side of the line anyway.

This new seizure medication that the doctors thought would work better than the old one had the adverse reaction with Hannah.  First, it gave her horrible insomnia then all of her other symptoms started flaring….the anger, aggression, rage, sadness, anxiety….it has gotten so bad that I have had to give her Valium, which I HATE doing.  It makes her unstable when walking, her speech slurs, she just sits…..but it is the only way, at times to take the edge off.  The bad part was this was gradual, we were adding the new medication slowly while weaning off the old medication, but when the old medication was out of her system all hell broke loose.  Finally, just this morning I received the go-ahead to just stop the new medication cold-turkey and put her back on the old medication at its full dose.  So, we are PRAYING that this will work quickly.  It does go to prove, however, that some of Hannah’s issues truly are seizure related.  The problem is knowing if it is connected with PANDAS, which I believe it is due to the inflammation on her brain or if it is a different problem altogether.

Needless to say, I am exhausted and I haven’t even been able to form words in my brain much less type them since I last blogged on Sunday and even that was forced to make coherent sentences.  I haven’t even been on Facebook hardly (and that means something is really wrong with me).  HA!  Hannah is back to needing my full-attention.  The moment I take my eyes off of her or leave her for 2 seconds her anxiety gets the best of her and she will snap.  Dennis has been working nights this week, which is good in one sense as he has been here to help some during the day but bad in another because some of our worst times are at night.

Please keep praying for us.   Pray specifically that this medication change back to our old seizure medication will do the trick and we can get back to where we were prior to this change.  I need some peace, quiet and SLEEP SOON!  My poor coffee pot has had to work overtime since last week and my body is begging me for rest.  Can’t even begin to imagine how Hannah feels or what she is thinking……this is so hard!

This just seems fitting today!  HA!

This just seems fitting today! HA!

Until next time……..

How I Broke My Daughter’s Heart

I am not usually a procrastinator, but taking down the Christmas tree was just too much for me to think about until this morning.  Today was the day, so I decided to tackle it.  Much to my dismay, there was one thing worse than the effort of taking down the Christmas tree and that was Hannah’s heartbroken reaction to me taking it down. I didn’t realize how much she enjoyed it.  I knew every morning she would go turn it on and say “Merry Christmas mama,” but her love for it wasn’t truly revealed until this morning. I walked into the living room and started removing the ornaments and she followed me and sat on the sofa with tears welling up in her eyes.  Dennis walked in and began helping me and these are some of the things we heard coming out of Hannah’s mouth…..

  • “Christmas tree right back”
  • “I love Christmas”
  • “I love Christmas tree”
  • “Christmas tree up”
  • “Hannah heart-broken”
  • “Christmas tree back next week”
  • “I love Christmas time”
  • “I love presents”
  • “Right back Christmas”

When I say she said these phrases, she didn’t say them just once she kept repeating them over and over and over again.  The more she talked, the sadder she got.  She even at one point kissed the tree.  We kept reassuring her that in just 11 months we would put the tree back up but it didn’t seem to help.  She wanted to keep it up NOW!  I, even at one point, considered just leaving the dang tree up.  I was ready to have my living room back in order but for that brief second I actually considered not taking it down.  Who would have cared?  Why did it matter if we left it up all year?  It made my little girl happy and with all the disappointments she has had over the last year and a half, I truly considered it.

I almost feel guilty typing this because I didn’t leave it up.  It made her happy and once again I feel as if I have broken her little heart.  A little heart that has been broken more in 9 years than most of us will experience in a lifetime.  I know she will get over this, another heartbreak, and I know it seems stupid to anyone reading this but for Hannah it was something she loved and she just doesn’t understand.  Had this mama known just HOW much she loved it, I might have never taken it down.

Our home is back in order but my little girls heart is in a million pieces. She has asked numerous times when “Christmas will be back?”  Who knew that she loved that tree as much as she did?  Now I am glad I procrastinated taking it down.  Didn’t know a Christmas tree could bring so much joy! IMG_3438 Until next time……..

Publix, New Medication, Insomnia and Giving Up

Is the title of this blog confusing?  It just means that I have so much to say and those are the highlights!  Let’s start at the beginning……

I have an awesome pharmacy.  My Publix Pharmacy flat-out ROCKS!  I am a frequent visitor and they usually see me about twice each week because of Hannah’s medications.  They know me by name and always greet me with a smile, never failing to ask how Hannah is doing.  Gotta love that!  The other night I went to do some grocery shopping and didn’t need to go to the Pharmacy for once.  I was in produce stocking up on veggies when one of the Pharmacy Techs, Angela approached me and asked if I would come back with her that our Pharmacist wanted to speak with me.  I was perplexed and initially thought that perhaps one of Hannah’s medications had gone up in price and we didn’t pay enough last time I was there.  Anyway, our sweet pharmacist told me that they had won an award for superior customer service (this was no shock to me as I could tell you story after story about how they have helped me MANY times and gone above and beyond).  They were picking 2 of their customers to participate in a video testimony and she told me that I was the first one to come to mind.  It is almost sad, in a way, that they know me so well that I would be the first one she thought of!  HA!  Anyway, I graciously said yes and that I would be honored to do it.  So, on January 28th I will make television history….okay, not really but it sounded good.  I guess my dreams of being an actor will finally come to fruition and it is reality TV at that!  Just kidding….I am not sure exactly what the video will be used for but I thought it was pretty neat to be asked.  I promised her that I would fix my hair, wear makeup and put on something other than raggedy old sweats; since they only see me looking like Honey Boo-Boo’s mama!

Well, onto Hannah now….this past week has been a nightmare.  We have been weaning her off her seizure medication over the last month and adding a new seizure medication, which the doctors all agreed should work better; not only for her seizures but for stabilizing her mood.  The problem is the dosage was wrong on the new medication; it wasn’t strong enough so when the old medication ended the new one was not enough to meet Hannah’s needs.  We think she had some “breakthrough seizures” mixed with a PANDAS flare due to some bacteria or germ that she had come in contact with resulting in…..well, to put it midly…..HELL on earth!  The NEW problem with this new medication and higher dosage is it causes….wait for it……INSOMNIA!!  We traded a seizure medication that was working (besides the number one side effect being constipation) to one that causes insomnia!  SHOOT ME NOW!  To top it all off, now we are having to add Melatonin to Hannah’s already long list of medications just to HELP her sleep.  The Melatonin is not a miracle drug, so even though it helps, she is still up many times throughout the night.  Not only is she tired during the day but so am I.  One tired little girl plus one tired mama equals…..MISERY for all 3 of us!  Prayers appreciated for the doctors to know what is best.  Do we wean her off the new medication and wean her back on the old medication?  Do we leave it all alone and PRAY that her body adapts and she starts sleeping?  Do we change the dosage?  Many questions and no clear answers.  Our Neurologist will be back in the office on Tuesday, so hopefully we will survive until then!  My coffee pot is working overtime right now.

Maybe this is why Hannah is so good at math!

Maybe this is why Hannah is so good at math!

Trying to laugh at our current situation!

Trying to laugh at our current situation!

Finally…..I QUIT!!!!  Quit what you may ask?  I quit SUV shopping!  I am going to keep my wonderful, well-kept, clean, 9 1/2-year-old SUV!  I have test driven and worked the numbers on the Toyota Highlander, Ford Explorer, GMC Acadia, Honda Pilot along with a few others!  I have gone back and forth  more times than I care to count and between the money these new vehicles cost and what I WANT; they just don’t match up!  We didn’t have to even start looking. The fact is, we only were looking because my SUV is 9 1/2 years old and we thought since we don’t have a car payment, now would be the time since Dennis will be officially gone from the Sheriff’s Office in less than 5 years and we will have to get him something new at that time.  So, that was our thought process.  But, I have been looking now for over a month wasting precious time I cannot get back and I am just DONE!  Some of the car dealerships and salesmen have been WONDERFUL!  Some, have not….don’t shop at Keith Pierson….they don’t like women!  Yes, I did just say that!  In fact, here is my public service announcement if you are in the market for a new vehicle….shop at Duval Ford or Duval Honda….they treat you like royalty and they listen and will do whatever they can to make you happy!  In all honesty, Dennis told me….get what you want (within reason of course….no Tahoe, Lexus or BMW, HA) but I just couldn’t go through with it.  We have 2 vehicles and no car payments and I like it that way!  I know it can’t stay that way forever, but for now I just don’t have a peace about spending the money.  Yes, I have prayed about it too…..I always pray about big purchases as I am not an impulse buyer.  The only peace God has given me is to wait, so even though I am not always good at listening to Him (trust me, some of my past decisions reflect that) I am listening now.  So…..I QUIT!  I might resume the search in a year, maybe two…..who knows, I might just keep that Buick Ranier until the transmission falls out of it and I am okay with that!  There is too much stress in my life to worry about a new vehicle.  In all actuality, I only get in one of the vehicles to go to Publix, Target and doctor appointments so what is the point anyway…..they get me from point A to point B with no car payments…..that makes me Happy, Happy, Happy!

Well, I have bored you long enough.  I still have another post I have already written but haven’t published but I will publish it soon!  Don’t want to give you Boring Blog Overload!

Until next time…….