I have never been good at making decisons…..big or small, I am very indecisive! I remember standing in my closet each night before school or work the next day spending FOREVER trying to decide just what to wear; even trying a dozen things on to get the perfect outfit. Like it was really going to be earth-shattering if I picked the wrong thing…..making decisions, not my best quality!
I am no good at change either……my mom says it used to be a fight to get me to go from my summer wardrobe to my winter and visa-versa as a child. So, even as a 4-5 year old little girl the way I dressed was #1 important and #2 it did shake my world when I had to change it.
Of course, as we get older the decisions that we are forced to make and the changes that we have to endure are more important than the clothes that we wear…..I would much rather be back in those “easy” days where what I wore was the most critical decision I had to make! Over the last 12 1/2 years of my marriage and especially the last 8 1/2 years of Hannah’s life we have had to make some decisions that haven’t been fun. They have been downright difficult and yes, seemingly earth-shattering ones.
We are at a crossroads right now and have a 2 huge decisions to make that ultimately could change the course of this journey we are on. It will possibly mean big changes for us and it is scary. I can’t talk about these decisions with anyone right now, which makes it even more difficult as I would love to bounce my pros and cons off of someone else; but this is truly something that is weighing heavy on both Dennis and me. We have both, for weeks and months now been praying for wisdom and discernment and honestly, I am at peace completely with one of the decisions we need to make (have been for a long time) but the other one is like a watching a tennis match; going back and forth, back and forth….SO confused! I keep claiming 1 Corinthians 14:33 that says: For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace……but, alas…..I am still confused!
So, God is using these 2 situations and huge decisions to continue to mold me and shape me; to allow me the opportunity to put ALL of my trust and faith in Him. Honestly, that is so much easier said than done…..again, just my complete honesty! I know what the Bible says……I know where my faith and hope lie…..but, having clear, concise answers is difficult and sometimes you just have to “be still” and really listen. That is what I am doing right now…..I am just being still. One of our decisions has a deadline coming up in February and we do need to make this decision quickly and it has to be the right one as it is a forever decision for us…….oh, to be that little girl again that didn’t have a care in the world…..AND I would have taken EVERY.SINGLE nap that my mom tried to get me to without complaining! HA!
Until next time…….