I don’t even know where to begin. Writing has always been my outlet and I should make myself do it more often to let go of the emotions and thoughts because I let them jumble up in my head and then I can’t seem to put 2 words together but I will try.
Medically speaking this has been a very difficult and stressful week for Hannah. I won’t go into all the details as most of them are extremely unpleasant and I know y’all don’t want to read about them but suffice it to say it was an emotional, painful and stressful week for all 3 of us. Watching your child suffer is probably the worst thing you could ever go through (at least for me). Top that off with knowing that your child is 12 years old but unable to comprehend what is happening and why she feels so awful; well, you just feel helpless and sometimes hopeless. Wednesday was the worst day. After we finally got her to sleep I just got in the shower and cried and cried and cried……I tried praying but I found myself too angry to even pray….I figured at that point God knew my heart and He understood all the emotions and heartache I was feeling so I took to Facebook asking for prayer and by the time I finally crawled into bed I felt God’s love surrounding me. It was a beautiful and peaceful feeling to drift off to sleep by, so for all of you who are praying for us and have prayed for us; thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know God hears those prayers and I know He is comforting the 3 of us in our most difficult days because of those prayers!
Now, I want to share a little story with you. I am a firm believer in instilling God’s word into children. My parents and the church I grew up in encouraged us to read our Bible, pray and memorize scripture. So, about 5 years ago I started with Hannah. We read our little Bible devotional book every morning and we talk about it. Now, honestly, I usually just get “yes” or “no” answers when I ask her a question about her Bible devotion but this morning was different and it truly brought tears to my eyes. This was today’s devotion:
After I read it I was fixing to ask Hannah a few questions and she looked at me with this HUGE smile on her face and said this……”Jesus loves Hannah, Hannah loves Jesus. Jesus lives in Heaven with Grandpa, Maw-Maw and Thomas (this was Maw-Maw’s cat). Hannah live in Heaven with Jesus too mama!” I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and said, “baby girl, yes…..yes! One day Jesus is going to come get us and take us home to live with Him in Heaven.” She then replied, “Oh mama, Hannah cannot wait, Hannah so excited!”
I tell you all of this to show you that even a child who has Down Syndrome “gets it.” It is that simple, that easy…..God made it that way for us. Believe, Accept and Receive……that is all there is to it. Believe that God loves you, came to this earth as a baby (hence the reason we even have the Christmas Season to celebrate), died on the cross for all of us to wipe out our sins and arose from the dead to ascend into Heaven to build us a home…..that’s it. That’s the good news! Even my child understands it. Nothing makes my heart soar more than the fact that she knows Jesus, she loves Jesus and she knows that one day ALL of this life we live will be replaced with happiness, joy, health, peace and there will be no more pain, sickness, sorrow or death. How can we not share that good news with our children and those we know and love?
I am going to end this blog post but before I do, I have to tell you briefly about this precious woman:
Ruby C. Stapp
December 17, 1909-December 17, 1989
This beautiful lady is my Grandma. She is my dad’s mom and as you can see she went home to be with the Lord MANY years ago. I was 18 years old and as long ago as that was I still remember the phone call we received that she had passed away and the day of her funeral like it was yesterday. My Grandma was a strong, independent, Godly, sweet, quiet lady! She was married to my precious Grandpa who she lost at a young age while raising 2 boys. My dad was 13 years old when he lost his dad and my Uncle Lee was only 5 years old. My grandma was an elementary school teacher; a job she loved for 44 years. She never remarried and she raised 2 incredibly strong, amazing men. My grandma and my Aunt Janie (her sister) were inseparable and they were complete opposites and they complimented each other so well. Aunt Janie was strong and independent too but had a mouth on her and wasn’t afraid to use it……I loved that about her and that is probably where I got it from. Grandma would always tell her to hush and be nice. HA! They were both cat lovers, hence why my dad is and why I am. It is hard to talk about Grandma without talking about Aunt Janie too. My cousin Peggy put it perfectly…..they were each other’s ying to yang…..I am so glad they had each other when God called both their husband’s home. My grandma was an amazing lady but the last probably 10 years of her life had what was called “hardening of the arteries” which now would be referred to as Alzheimer’s. It is an awful disease and changes a person completely. I would go with my dad every Saturday to visit Grandma and as a young teenager it was hard to watch her not remember us; yet I know she still loved us. I cherish those times that I had with her, those Saturdays of going to visit her. I will admit the Alzheimer’s was awful and changed her completely; it is a terrible disease and one I wish a cure could be found for. But, it wasn’t who she was…..she was a kind, compassionate, amazing, sweet, loyal wife, mother, grandmother, sister and friend to many. Happy Birthday Grandma. I love you, miss you and can’t wait to see you again!
Until next time……..
Hannah's Heart, An Unexpected Journey 