Hotel Nashville and Hannah’s Latest Random Sayings

My child LOVES hotels.  She told me she wants to live in a hotel, which frankly, I wouldn’t mind either.  You have someone clean your room and bathroom everyday and if it is a Hampton, Holiday Inn Express or Residence Inn you get a free full breakfast.  Can you take a guess what hotels we frequent?  HA!

Hannah though, for MONTHS has been talking about going back to Nashville and staying in a hotel like we did in August.  Maybe she and I just think alike but I too am SO ready to go back.  For Christmas she got a princess guitar and instead of singing “Hotel California,” she has been singing “Hotel Nashville.”  It is so funny!  She jams to her own tune and I finally caught it on video and tried to upload it but WordPress wouldn’t let me….don’t know why.  Anyway, you are just going to have to take my word for it or log onto Facebook because it is on there!  Priceless!

Some of the other things she has said lately are quite funny too.  She now calls her daddy by his first name the majority of the time.  You will hear…..”Dennis”  when she is yelling for him or trying to get his attention.  Rarely does she call him daddy.  Guess she hears me call him Dennis and thinks she has to as well.  She still calls me mommy, I reckon Tamara is too hard to say!

She really is turning into quite a character.  If she needs us or wants us this is what you hear….”Mommy, come here now please.”  HA!  Or, if she wants Dennis…..”Dennis, come here.”  Cracks us up!  If she does something spectacular in her eyes, which is putting a puzzle together or cleaning her room without being asked she will come find us and say…..”Come here, look room.”  If we don’t follow immediately she will grab our hands and begin dragging us if she has to.

She is constantly bossing Henny around……”Henny, here……Henny, sit…….Henny, kennel…….Henny treat!”  Henny likes the last one!  Every night before bed she will say, “Kiss Henny head one time.”  Henny gets the last kiss of the night!  I am also OCD, if you didn’t know this and before Henny is allowed back in the house after being outside to potty we wipe each paw down really good so she doesn’t drag dirt in the house.  Hannah likes to go outside and “help Henny hurry.”  Hurry is the command to go potty….yes, my dog potties on command, gotta love that!  Anyway, after Henny has done her business, Hannah will say, “Good girl Henny, wipe paws.”  HA!  Love that Hannah knows that Henny has to wipe her paws before coming in the house!  Dennis isn’t as good about making Henny wipe her paws as Hannah and I are but we are working on him!  I guess my thought is, if I am going to slave away scrubbing my floors there is no reason that everyone that lives in the house (including the dog) can do their best to keep those said floors clean!  I don’t have a “job” outside this house but I do take pride in the way my home looks and cleanliness is #1 on that list!  Just don’t look in my spare bedroom because as of right now it is a “junk room.”  UGH, it is driving me insane, but I digress!

Back to Hannah…….things she is loving now:  Anything and everything Doc McStuffins and doctor related!  She is constantly giving everyone and everything check-ups.  She is OBSESSED with blood-work probably because the last 3 months she literally has been a human pin-cushion!  She will explain blood work like this:

1.  “Tie rope”  (this is where they put the tourniquet on your arm to find the veins)

2.  “Look” (looking for a good vein)

3.  “Clean” (cleaning the area with alcohol)

4.  “ONE STICK” (when the needle is inserted)

5.  “Hurt”  (what it feels like)

6.  “Hold gauze, NO boo-boo band-aid”  (she holds the gauze on the boo-boo and refuses to put a band-aid on it).  She will not cry when she gets stuck with the needle, but she will have a complete and utter melt-down if you even attempt to put a band-aid on her.

7.  I will ask her, “what does the gauze do?”  Her response is…..”stop bleeding.”  HA!

She has always (every 4-6 months) her entire life had blood work due to her thyroid, but the last 3 months she has had blood work about every other week…..so she has become quite the pro at the whole process!  Between blood work, x-rays, ECHO’s, EKG’s and ultrasounds she might just have a career in medicine……she wouldn’t need any schooling to know how to do those things.

She is really into tea parties right now too and she and her stuffed friends have numerous tea parties each day.  She loves puzzles and of course reading books.  She loves her iPad and her new favorite thing is playing on the computer.  She loves to go to Starfall.com and play the games, do the math, reading and other educational activities.  It is a great program!  She got an iPod for Christmas and can’t wait to start using that and listening to all her favorite tunes with her new Doc McStuffins headphones!

Through all this sickness, and yes, the fevers are still present each day…..she continues to be happy and sweet (for the most part)….she does have her moments.  I can honestly say though, for someone who has truly been sick the majority of her life, she handles it all with such joy, happiness and peace.  Truly something I could learn to do better myself!

I guess that wraps this blog post up……Happy New Year, my blog friends!  May 2014 bring us ALL joy, peace, health and happiness!  That is my prayer!

Tea Party time with Doc, Hallie, Lambie and Stuffy!

Tea Party time with Doc, Hallie, Lambie and Stuffy!

Until next time……….

Wisdom From Aunt Janie

I can so hear Aunt Janie saying this!  HA!

I can so hear Aunt Janie saying this! HA!

My hero, my Aunt Janie……a lady that I adore to this day even though she has been in Heaven for over 16 years.  She was everything that I wanted to be.  She was a kind-hearted, loving REBEL!  She was energetic, extroverted, talked all.the.time, gracious and the last person on earth that you wanted to mess with!  I like to say that she would cuss you out one minute and tell you Jesus loved you the next!

I have been thinking alot about her the last few weeks.  Wondering if she were here what kind of wisdom she could bestow on me in my life right now.  It is almost like I can hear her say these things:

  • Pray
  • Drink wine
  • Read your Bible
  • Drink more wine
  • Don’t let anyone walk over you.  If they try, give them the what-for and slaughter them with the love of Jesus.
  • Drink more wine
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you cannot do something.  You can do anything that you set your mind to do.
  • Drink more wine
  • Share openly, don’t care what others think about you.  If they think or speak badly of you, it is their problem and they don’t know anything.
  • Drink more wine
  • Be kind, gracious, loving and if that doesn’t work then refer to bullet points #5 and #6.
  • Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy……don’t let your circumstances get the best of you…..embrace your life.
  • Drink more wine
  • God WILL allow bad things to happen; things that you cannot handle except with HIM!  Accept the bad and lean on Him to get you through.  He alone will give you the strength and grace to get through it.
  • Drink more wine
  • You are LOVED……YOU are SPECIAL and I am ALWAYS with YOU!   You are in my heart always!

I know Aunt Janie isn’t here to physically say these things to me and yes, I joked with ALL the wine comments (although for the record, Aunt Janie loved her wine, but she wasn’t a lush or anything)!  It is like I can almost hear her say these things though and honestly it made me smile!  I know if she were here she would tell me to “pull up and tighten my bootstraps” and to “give the devil a clean swift kick in the……ASS!”  Hey, just telling it like she would!  So, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Cheers, to you, Aunt Janie!  I love that even though you aren’t physically still here with me, I can still hear you and know just what you would tell me to do!  I have the fondest memories and still laugh out loud hysterically when I think of my childhood and all your antics!  Here’s to all the wonderful memories and to the wisdom you so graciously bestow even from Heaven!

Until next time………..

Christmas….Joy for 24 Hours Then Reality Hits

This is a difficult post to write and I have debated publishing it, but I think it is important for us all to remember a few things that get forgotten during the holidays.

For alot of people Christmas is truly a Celebration.  We want to remember and celebrate the birth of Jesus; that is what Christmas is all about.  It isn’t about the tree, presents, Santa Claus and reindeer….but about celebrating the birth of a baby that was sent here just to be the sacrifice for our sins.  I, for one, know that is reason to celebrate.

But, for many people, me included, it is just one day of joy and celebration.  After that 24 hours is over our reality hits us once again.  Don’t get me wrong, I try everyday to look at the positive things in life and the blessings that I do have; but there is always a bit of sadness in my heart.  A sadness, that unless you have walked in my shoes, you cannot feel.  I know alot of people celebrate and feel joy and happiness all year-long and I am thrilled that is the case for many people.  But, in reality, there are many out there who find it difficult to see the good and they struggle to find happiness in daily living.  So many people are dealing with sickness.  Whether they are sick or are caring for a loved one that is.  People are dealing with marriage difficulties and there are single parents out there that are struggling to just get by.  People are dealing with the loss of jobs and the loss of loved ones.  There is so much hurting going on and I do think it is important that we always remember that even though Christmas might bring peace and joy for a day there are 364 days where that peace and joy is difficult to find.

I said that this was a difficult post to write, because the truth hurts.  The reality that alot of people’s daily life is not a bed of roses.  I, for one, have the hardest time finding the joy in the day-to-day struggles.  If you had told me 9 years ago that this would be my life I would have laughed hysterically at you and told you it would be a cold day in hell before this was my reality!  I never dreamed that the challenges we face everyday with Hannah would be our reality, but alas, it is.  The holidays aren’t what they used to be, even for me.  We have dealt with so much sickness over the years with Hannah and now with her sensory disorder and being overly-stimulated so quickly, we have had to have very low-key holidays.  For me, there is sadness even on the holidays.  I am just being honest.  I think alot of people feel the same way but for some reason don’t want to be honest or better yet….don’t think it is okay to be.  It is okay to admit when you are sad or struggling.  There is nothing to be ashamed about.  Life doesn’t hand everyone flowers and candy.  A lot of people are dealt lemon after lemon after lemon.  Sometimes you can make lemonade and well…..sometimes, you just can’t!  I am even one of those people who have learned that when someone asks you “how you are,” it is okay to say, “I am not okay.”  Some people cannot handle that response and that doesn’t matter.  What matters is that you can be honest with yourself and your circumstances.  You are ALL ALONE….that is the bottom line.  How you deal with your difficulties and struggles is totally up to you!  No one can make it okay.  No one can take your pain away and frankly, most people are so wrapped up in themselves they will learn to avoid you if you don’t “paint a pretty picture.”  Again, just being honest.  People don’t want to be around those that are depressed or sad.  People don’t know how to help nor do they really want to “interfere.”  The point I am making, which I have discovered all on my own is…..YOU ARE ALONE!  Again, don’t get me wrong…..I have a handful of people in my life that I can rely on and “be myself around.” But, the majority of people just truly don’t want to hear it!

Oh, but let me tell you this…..there is ONE person who cares.  There is ONE person who understands and there is ONE person who won’t avoid you are runaway from you….that person is JESUS!  I have cried out to Him on MANY occasions and even though I can’t physically see or touch Him….He is there.  He is the ONLY person I pour my heart out to.  He is the ONLY person I trust 100% and He is the ONLY person in my life that has never let me down!

So, yes, I do find life difficult.  I do struggle A LOT with finding the joy in day-to-day life but I do celebrate and find JOY in Jesus!  I cannot imagine going through any difficulty without Him!  He truly is the only reason I am still breathing…..the only reason I can get up every morning and do what I have to do for my family.  He is the only reason I find the joy and happiness that I do.  I never dreamed that 8 years into parenthood I would spend countless hours each day doing nothing but sitting in the bathroom with my child (I am NOT exaggerating either….HOURS).  I never dreamed that I would be “stuck” in my own home days upon days upon days without ever leaving or having any social interaction.  I never dreamed that I would be that woman who gets up, brushes her teeth and hair, puts on sweats and just takes care of a child.  I never dreamed that this would be my life and yes, sometimes I have trouble “embracing” it.  Sometimes I just sit and cry and sometimes I truly look up to the Heavens and BEG God (like this morning) to come and get us all!  BUT….because of HIM…..because of His love for me and knowing that this is the life He gave me……even in my struggles, I try to find the joy that can ONLY come from Him!

I think the last 8 years is why my heart is so tender to people who struggle.  Had I not gone through all I have with Hannah and felt that loneliness and despair….I wouldn’t understand the sadness and grieving that alot of people feel on a daily basis.  My heart hurts for those single mom’s out there barely able to make ends meet to take care of their children.  My heart hurts for those that care for chronically ill children, parents and siblings and my heart grieves for those that have lost their dearest friends and family members!

Christmas is a time to be joyful and celebrate but the other 364 days a year is our chance to reach out to those that have very little to be joyful about.  Can I challenge you to pick someone this coming year to reach out and minister to?  I am going to find someone and I actually have someone in mind……send them a card each week……if they have financial burdens give them a gift card to Publix or the gas station……if they have children, a gift card to Target or Chick-fil-a for a quick dinner one night.  There are so many hurting people……if we each helped one, maybe we could give more people reason to celebrate all year-long!

Until next time………

Christmas Cookies, Santa Makes House Calls and Christmas With The Crazies

Okay, let me start by apologizing as this is going to be a very.long.post!  I have not had anytime to blog and I have alot to make up for.  So, go get a nice cup of hot coffee or cocoa, a couple of cookies and sit back and let me bore you to death!

Even though Hannah was so sick last week with lots of snot, congestion and coughing I wanted so badly to get in the “Christmas spirit” and give us something fun to do together so I decided to make Christmas cookies with her.  Now, there were two batches of cookies….”Hannah’s batch” and “my batch.”  I did that because ONLY Hannah was allowed to eat hers because she was snotting everywhere….sorry if that was too much information.  Anyway, we mixed, rolled, cut and baked the cookies and then decorated them (which Hannah loved).  I didn’t particularly like the mess she made, but it was SO worth it.  Let me just show you:

Very intent on icing that cookie!

Very intent on icing that cookie!

All smiles.....didn't want to look at the camera as she was TOO busy!

All smiles…..didn’t want to look at the camera as she was TOO busy!

Having SO much fun!  Love that baking cookies put a smile on her sweet face!

Having SO much fun! Love that baking cookies put a smile on her sweet face!

You might recall that I was sad a post or so back that Hannah has been so sick and I was not going to be able to take her to meet Santa this year.  She has never been interested in Santa until this year and kept telling me that she wanted to “hug Santa.”  It made me sad that I couldn’t take her to the mall, stand in line for 3 hours just for her to sit on the lap of a strange man that thousands of other kids have set on, snotted on and put every germ and bacteria on before my child.  If you didn’t know I was a germaphobe, you do now!  As much as I truly did not want to do that for (and to) my child; I was sad because I couldn’t, since it was something she really wanted to do.  I had no clue when I wrote that blog post that some of our dearest friends had access to a Santa and Elf costume.  They called us and asked if Santa and his elves could make a House Call to Hannah.  I was SO excited, so Sunday evening Santa and his elves showed up at our door and made Hannah’s Christmas!!  Pictures say a thousand words……

Hannah's first sighting of Santa in the front yard!  Priceless!

Hannah’s first sighting of Santa in the front yard! Priceless!

Hugging Santa!

Hugging Santa!

Santa asked Hannah if she had been a good girl and her response was "yes sir!"

Santa asked Hannah if she had been a good girl and her response was “yes sir!”

Hannah asking Santa to come "open presents" inside her house!

Hannah asking Santa to come “open presents” inside her house!

Walking hand-in-hand with Santa!

Walking hand-in-hand with Santa!

Opening presents from Santa!

Opening presents from Santa!

Hannah LOVES Santa!

Hannah LOVES Santa!

Santa and his elves!  So thankful for this family and how they were willing to give up their Sunday evening for Hannah and us too!

Santa and his elves! So thankful for this family and how they were willing to give up their Sunday evening for Hannah and us too!

Henny getting in on the Santa action too!

Henny getting in on the Santa action too!

Needless to say…..Santa Claus was a BIG HIT at our home!  Dennis and I even had our picture made with Santa but you know my husband would kill me if I posted his picture on this blog.  I will say though that Dennis DID NOT sit on Santa’s lap even though I tried to get him to!

Last night we had my family Christmas at my brother’s house and we had a BLAST!  There was so much laughter and noise but we had the best time!  We all always gang up on my dad which really makes for lots of fun for us, maybe not so much for dad!  We also had our friend Anna from Germany and her “friend” Matt with us.  I am sure they didn’t know what to think of our shenanigans!  Again, pictures say it best……

Hannah helping Boompa open his presents!

Hannah helping Boompa open his presents!

The Grumpy Cat book for the Grumpy Old Man!  HA!

The Grumpy Cat book for the Grumpy Old Man! HA!

This was dad's favorite gift of the night!

This was dad’s favorite gift of the night!

Hannah had so much fun and got SO many gifts!  Oh my....my family spoils her rotten!

Hannah had so much fun and got SO many gifts! Oh my….my family spoils her rotten!

Sad thing is I didn’t take more pictures…..my brother and sister-in-law took a ton of them but I am sure they aren’t very attractive as we were dying laughing the majority of the time.  We had a great time.  We did something different this year for dinner too.  We had international cuisine!  We had Chinese, Mexican, Italian and American dishes!  Dennis thinks my family and our eating habits are so weird but it didn’t stop him from getting seconds!  We never do “traditional holiday eating.”  Dennis has always found it very strange, but this year topped it all!

From my family to yours……Merry Christmas and let’s not ever forget the TRUE reason we celebrate this season!  If it weren’t for a little baby, born of a virgin who was sent here as the sacrifice for our sins; we truly would have NO reason to celebrate anything!

Luke, Chapter 2

Jesus Is The Reason For The Season!

Until next time………

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blessing in the Mail and Senior Citizen Special

I am not one of those people who enjoys walking out to the mailbox usually, because frankly most everything delivered is junk or bills and who wants either?  The month of December is different though as I LOVE receiving Christmas cards.  It is like joy in your mailbox.  Dennis walked out Saturday and we opened the mail together and read it.  The last piece he gave me was a large envelope addressed to me from dear friends in Atlanta.  As I read what was written tears began to stream down my face.  It was a card with words of encouragement, love, support and blogging-love!  My sweet friend said she was my biggest fan!  HA!  Love that!  Never had “fans” before; made me feel really special.  But, that isn’t all…..in the card was an envelope and in that envelope was a gift card to…..wait for it……are you ready…….STEINMART!  Whoo-hoo!  My favorite place in the world!  My sweet friend wanted me to have some “me time!”  Again…..tears!  I am not a real tearful person either.  I used to be!  Growing up my dad said that I could turn on the tears like a faucet anytime I needed to.  But, in my 30’s and now my 40’s, I have become a little “tougher” and “hard-hearted.”  So, for me to cry takes alot more than it used to.  But, you see……here was someone who didn’t have to do anything like that.  But, she saw my hurt…..she KNEW what that hurt felt like and she reached out, encouraged me and threw in that little extra something special….my “me time” gift card that I seriously cannot wait to use!  I feel so blessed.  You see, my friend…..she has been through something similar….years ago she had a very sick little girl who was in and out of the hospital for a very long time.  This is a mom, who even though has walked a different journey than me, had some of the same hurts and fears and can feel my heart!  I won’t say her name here, in case she wouldn’t want me to….but….my sweet friend…..you know who you are and I LOVE YOU!  Thank you for ministering to me!

Now, I will address something that my readers might find funny, my husband especially did.  Hannah and I have been cooped up in this house for so long and she has not had much of an appetite, but Saturday she kept asking for Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets and ketchup.  So, after Dennis left for work (he is on dreaded night-shift this week), Hannah and I got in the car and went to her favorite place on earth….Chick-fil-a!  I went through the drive-thru and ordered a 3-piece chicken strips for which I had a free coupon and a small coke.  My total at the window was $1.40 since the strips were free.  The young man looked at me when I pulled up to pay and asked me how old I was.  I replied that I was 42.  He then said, “oh, okay….nevermind.”  Of course, I couldn’t let that go, so I asked why he asked my age.  Now, had I let it go (which I should have), I wouldn’t be agonizing over his response.  His words cut like a knife through my fragile self-esteem……he said, “well, we are having a Senior Citizen Special today for a free coke.  I was trying to see if I could get you that free coke, but you aren’t as old as I thought you were!”  OUCH!  That hurt!  I again, should have kept my mouth shut, but if you haven’t noticed I have difficulty with that, so I said, “how old did you think I was.”  His response was, “well, sometimes it is really hard to tell with some people.”  OUCH, again!  Of course, again, I opened my mouth and said, “well, shouldn’t I get a free coke anyway since you even asked me that question and insulted me.”  To which he replied….”well, if you had been 55 then I would have.”  Okay….OUCH again!  So, apparently, I look over 55 years of age without makeup on.  I knew my face was beginning to sag, but I really thought I would have a few more years before I was mistaken for a “Senior Citizen.”  No offense to you out there that are in fact 55 and older, but I really was hoping to age gracefully and not be considered 13 years older than I actually am!  Boy-howdy….that was rough.  Of course I called Dennis and he laughed hysterically.  He told me to consider that the “young man” was probably only 16 or 17 years old so to him, I did look like a Senior Citizen.  But, for the record……I will never leave the house without make-up on again!

Hope y’all got a chuckle out of that…..I am still not laughing, but my husband is!

Until next time……..

ROAR

I got the eye of the tiger, the fire
Dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am  a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar!

This is the chorus to Katy Perry’s song Roar.  It has become mine and Hannah’s theme song and we listen to it countless times each day.  The entire song has such a great message…..not letting anyone or anything knock you down…..get up, brush yourself off and FIGHT!  I look at Hannah and ALL she has been through the last 8 years and I am SO VERY proud of her.  She honestly doesn’t really know what it feels like to “FEEL GREAT.”  Every time she gets well from a sickness, it is short-lived and she is sick again.  She has never known life without medications.  She has and always will be on certain medications and the last 3 months, because of being sick, has had even more with the Tylenol, Motrin, Benadryl and antibiotics.  But, she doesn’t mind taking them…..in fact, she will tell me when it is time for her medicine and which ones she is supposed to get.

I think in her mind she probably thinks that all kids do this.  I don’t really think that she believes her life is any different from anyone elses.  I guess, this is what makes me the saddest.  I know ALL she is missing out on.  I know that most kids don’t take daily medications and are not sick so often.  I know most kids don’t spend most of their waking hours inside their house.  Most kids get to go out to dinner and to the park and to school.  They get to go get mani’s and pedi’s (the girls not boys….ha!) and go spend the night with friends and at Grandma’s house.  They get to go to the movies and out for ice cream and stay up late on Friday nights.  Hannah doesn’t get to do those things, except school and even then she gets sick and misses more than she gets to go.  I think this is why my heart hurts so much everyday…..why I am sad.  I know all she “could” be doing and isn’t able to.  I have never been a big “Santa Claus” person but this year, for some reason I am just so sad that Hannah doesn’t get to have her picture made with Santa.  Any friends out there want to dress up as Santa and come to my house?  HA!

My heart just hurts for Hannah but I am thankful that she doesn’t know ALL she is missing.  She does miss school and her friends and she knows that she is most likely going to miss her Christmas party next week.  She is so sad about that, but she seems to accept it…..much better than I do!

We listened to Roar this morning and we danced and we sang.  It was bad singing and dancing; but we did it anyway and we smiled and laughed!  Yes, she is sick…..yes, I am sad…..but, you know what?  We have the eye of the tiger, we are dancing through the fire, we are champions and you’re gonna hear us ROAR!

I have posted this before but I thought it was appropriate to post it again!

I have posted this before but I thought it was appropriate to post it again!

Until next time……..

I Yelled…..At God

Yes…..I did that…..I yelled at God.  Guess I thought it would make me feel better, but, for the record….it did not!  It actually is no fun to “fight” with God as it is always one-sided as He doesn’t fight back.  He just listens.  I know He cares, I know He understands and I know that He has a plan but to be perfectly honest……I am mad!  Not mad at Him….just generally MAD!  Although, I guess you could say that I took it out on him this morning….oops!

Hannah  has now been sick for 3 months with no answers.  We have wonderful doctors….they have done and continue to do all they can to get to the bottom of this.  But, as our wonderful pediatrician told me as I cried over the phone with her last Saturday…..testing and diagnosing takes time and patience….so hard for a mom that just wants answers.  Hannah has had fevers for 3 months.  During that time she has also had bronchitis and a bad sinus infection and this morning woke up with what I believe right now is a head cold.  I am waiting to see if it progresses to an infection that will need a trip to the doctor and MORE antibiotics.  After being out of school for 7 straight weeks, we sent her back on Monday only to end up sick again today.  I hate this for Hannah.  She LOVES school, LOVES her teachers and LOVES her friends and yet I can’t get her or keep her well enough to go.  If she didn’t LOVE it so much, I wouldn’t feel as bad about her missing, but she is so sad that she can’t be there.  As a kid there were times I didn’t want to miss school and Christmas was one of them.  There were always activities, games and parties to attend and Hannah is missing it all and it makes me MAD!  On top of all that……we have to be concerned about her attendance because of her scholarship……if we lose that I will be homeschooling and frankly……I might just shoot myself if that happens!  (Joking about shooting myself people, no need to Baker-Act me…..not yet anyway)!

So, with that said…..I yelled at God this morning.  It wasn’t pretty and I feel bad about it now and it truly didn’t help….all it did was make me feel worse!  I just want answers and I know we will eventually get them but waiting is hard.  We went to the Infectious Disease doctor yesterday and he has a plan to figure this out.  Some of the testing involved will be invasive and unpleasant for Hannah though and I am praying we figure it out before those particular tests have to happen.  This is just hard……I would so much rather it be me……I would trade places with her in an instant if I could, but I can’t and I can’t fix this!  If I could, I would have 3 months ago!

Now, we do more testing and we wait for answers and it just sucks that it is during Christmas time that all of this continues to happen.  No visit to Santa, no Christmas parties, no being with friends and family…….we are just prisoners in our own home and it SUCKS!  But, I also need to be thankful……we have each other; Hannah, Dennis and me and we are HOME, not the hospital and these 4 walls contain enough love and devotion to get us through anything……so, for that, I am so very grateful!

I guess the lesson I learned today was yelling at God doesn’t do any good……just makes you feel worse.  I wish I could say that I would never do that again but I know to never say never…..I will just try harder to be more thankful instead of mad.  Not an easy task right now, but I am trying!

Until next time………