Rock Bottom

I have had a really heavy heart this week after reading about so much hurt from people on Facebook.  Either with family issues, illnesses, problems with children, divorce, death, problems in the church, loss of jobs, rejection from peers or family.  The list goes on.  I have been there, more than once, where you feel you have hit rock bottom and you feel totally isolated and alone.

I saw this yesterday and it spoke to me:

I saw that and thought…..WOW, I had never thought of the rock bottom times being allowed by God to show us that He is the rock at the bottom!  Isn’t that the coolest thing to realize?

In the past 12 years I have learned more about overcoming challenges, facing fears, crying out for help, loneliness, perseverance, strength (and the lack thereof), difficult journey’s and yes hitting rock bottom many times.  I have hit rock bottom and cried out to God for help because I felt all alone and had no one else to depend on.  I have cried puddles of tears and I have at times had no tears left to shed.  I have wondered how I will take my next breath and barely able to withstand putting one foot in front of the other on the really hard days.  I have begged God for peace.  I have begged God to take it all away.  I have pleaded with Him for healing and for Heaven.  Yes, on those really hard days I have begged for Heaven.  Hard to admit; but I did.

I write all this to say……if you are struggling (I know many of you are).  If you feel all alone and you don’t feel as if you have the strength to carry on.  If you have hit rock bottom……I PROMISE you God is the rock at the bottom.  He is there and He loves you.  He will never leave you and he will never forsake you.  There is NOTHING and NO ONE that can pluck you from His hand.  He has a reason for your heartache, a reason for your pain, a reason for this season of life.  I can tell you this because I have hit rock bottom more than once and He has been right there each time; even the times I didn’t see or feel Him, He was there.

All I can say is I understand hurt, pain, loneliness, rejection and yes, even judgment.  But through it all, God was there…..He still is and He always will be.

I am in a much better place now than I have been in a VERY long time…..4 years to be exact.  Do I have bad days?  Absolutely.  Do I get discouraged?  Yes.  Are we past the worst?  I pray so, but only time will tell.  But, I do know this……NO MATTER WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS…..I KNOW THE GOD OF MERCY, PEACE, STRENGTH AND GRACE WHO HOLDS THE FUTURE and that is enough for me.  When you hit rock bottom perhaps God allows it for you to see HE is the rock at the bottom…… blessed and cling to Him and His promises…….

Until next time……..


My Heart’s Desire…..Would You Help Me?

What is it about me and writing after midnight?  I just got home awhile ago from an amazing event with some of my Vasayo family and some new friends.  As much fun as tonight was something hit me after we got home……something I want to ask of you all.  Would you read this and help me?  I promise it has nothing to do with my new business but everything to do with my heart and the heartache I have for Hannah.

You see, for most of Hannah’s life she has been sick.  A low immune system as a baby that got better and then bottomed out again when PANDAS hit has kept Hannah extremely isolated from life and having something that is so very important to ALL of us…….FRIENDS!

What would we do without friends?  You know, those people who know every.single.thing about you…..the good, the bad, the sweet, the ugly…..everything and yet they love you no matter what.  Those friends who are more like family!  I am blessed to have friends like that.  Some of them lifelong, some who I met in high school, some at church, some through jobs I have had and through Dennis’ job, some because of Hannah having Down Syndrome and then PANDAS and the list goes on.  I am so very fortunate to have some really good, loyal, honest, giving, praying and loving friends; those who have been there for me through the good times and the bad times.  I consider myself extremely rich in life because of the good friends I have.  Here is my heartache though…….

HANNAH…..she knows what friends are.  She used to have them when she could go to school and church.  She loved them and still does.  She misses them and tonight my heart is breaking.  At this event I watched the kids who were there and life is so different for those sweet children versus Hannah.  My friends’ John and Kerri have such sweet kids (their daughter Missy seriously cracked me up tonight with her shenanigans).  I met some new friends tonight (the Melton’s) and their 3 kids were absolutely PRECIOUS!  My sweet friends Mark and Julie have 3 beautiful and precious children.  I could see all these kids befriending Hannah; accepting her being different and loving her despite her disabilities.  But, you see, we have a problem……Hannah’s immune system, which for so long has kept her isolated from having friends.  Oh my, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I want MORE….SO MUCH MORE for my sweet girl.  I want her to experience life having friends.  I want her to have friends like her with disabilities but also friends who are “typically developed” who will love her and protect her and always have her back.  I want her to know what I know….that friends are God’s way of showing unconditional love and devotion to us all.  I want that for her more than I want anything.

I will admit though, I am so scared……as a mom who is the one who takes care of her when she gets sick that is a hard call for me.  I want to protect her but I want her to experience life having friends.  I want to keep her well because sickness, ANY kind of sickness, is hard on her to get over and then the flare that it can send her in due to PANDAS could be devastating.  I live in fear of germs.  I live in fear of sickness.  I live in fear of “what if.”  I don’t know if you can comprehend this completely unless you have a chronically ill child, but it is a real fear and it is so very difficult…..BUT……I WANT MORE FOR HER.

Will you help me?  Will you pray that we can figure out a way to build her immune system and also that God will help me let go just a little.  That the fear that consumes me will lessen?  My fear is real and my instincts of keeping her well are my #1 priority but at what cost to her?  What cost to me?  I am being as real as I can here……I want more for her but I want her to stay well too.  Will y’all join me in prayer?  Ask God to help her doctors and me to figure something out.  Y’all, Vasayo has helped her tremendously.  She is a different child and some of our products can help boost the immune system….would you pray with me that would happen for her?  I want her to live life to its fullest!  She has cousins she has never even met.  She has friends that she hasn’t seen in 4 years.  She has family and friends who love us and love her and we have to keep them away.  Would you join me in prayer?  She is doing amazingly well thanks to all your prayers and Vasayo but I WANT MORE for her.  Will you join me?  Please?  No prayer is too big for MY GOD!  Thank you friends……thank you family……thank you all for continuing to walk with us on this journey that I KNOW God has a reason for……THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL DESERVES MORE!  I want her to know what true friendship is all about……..will you help me by praying.  Praying specifically for her immune system to improve so she can find the joy in friendship?

Until next time………

Accused of Lying

WOW!  I had zero intentions of sitting down and writing today because frankly I don’t really have time.  But, if you have followed my blog very long you know I write often times out of frustration and it is good therapy for me.  Today, I am just plain confused.

I received a private message a few minutes ago that left me speechless and saddened.  A “friend” accused me of lying about Vasayo and the positive results we are seeing in Hannah.  First and foremost, if ANYONE knows me, you know I am authentic, truthful and real.  I am not going to say anything about any product if it isn’t true.  I personally used the Vasayo products for a month before I even tried them with Hannah and before I got into the business.  I will say this, take out the fact that I am a Brand Partner in Vasayo completely…..I would still be using the products and promoting them!  It saddens me that there are people out there who think I am lying to just make a sale!  I PROMISE IF THESE PRODUCTS DIDN’T WORK I WOULD NOT BE USING THEM, PROMOTING THEM OR MUCH LESS SELLING THEM.  I especially wouldn’t be using them on my chid!  The private message literally knocked the wind out of my sails……briefly!

I know… it is…..”oh she is selling them, trying to make an easy buck and now claims these products are miracle-working.”  Well, no…..”making a buck” is just icing on the cake.  Helping people, especially those who have sick children is my number one goal.  If I didn’t make another dime doing this business I would still want to see these products getting into the hands of those who need them.  Now, will these products work for everyone?  No, probably not as I have had a few people try them and tell me they didn’t work but what have they lost trying it?  And, those people are few and far between; as the majority have used them and benefited from them.

I have had a lot of skeptics (trust me I was one too), but the people who truly know me and my heart know that I am not going to lie about what the products are doing for Hannah.  Trust me when I tell you, I was the biggest skeptic about Vasayo prior to using it.  I didn’t understand liposome technology and how these products worked, but I was desperate to help my child and willing to try anything (I had already tried everything else); what did I have to lose to try one more thing?  I could post all over social media and my blog PANDA-induced rages, aggression, depression, anxiety, OCD, tic pictures and videos of Hannah.  I refuse to show the worst of it all to spare Hannah the embarrassment and frankly to spare Dennis and me as well.  It is awful watching your child go into a full-blown screaming rage and watch her attack herself and those around her.  It is heartbreaking to watch her curl up in a ball and cry for hours for no apparent reason.  It is nerve-racking to listen to her repeat herself over and over and over again with the same words, phrases, self-stim behavior and OCD issues.  I could post so many heartbreaking videos and pictures but I haven’t and I won’t.  But, to call me a liar because I am trying to make “an easy buck,” is just plain mean!  I am not pushy.  I am not a salesperson.  What I am is a mom who has tried EVERY DANG THING ON THE MARKET and nothing has worked to help my precious little girl until now.  What I am is a mom who has been given an answer to her prayers.  What I am is a mom who hasn’t worked in 12 years and has felt unfulfilled and now has a product that I can share with others that is working for Hannah and I can now help other people.  I am not going to push Vasayo (the product or the business) on anyone.  You have freewill!   You can try it or not.  You can buy it or not.  You can become a Brand Partner or not.  All I am doing is sharing what these products have done for us……and you know what?  These products have given Hannah back to us and after 4 years of a living HELL on earth I will not stop talking about it.  You have the choice to scroll on by or stop and take a look…..the choice is totally up to you!

Well, I feel better now!  Thanks for stopping by!

This SMILE is a direct result of a RESTFUL night sleep (and lots and lots and lots of prayer). THIS bottle is one of our MIRACLES!

Until next time……..

Sleep Tight Baby Girl

I am probably not alone when I say that bedtime for Hannah is my favorite part of the day.  Let’s be real people…..the days are long and hard when you have a child; especially one who has special needs and even though she is nearly 12 years old, cognitively she is still a toddler in so many ways.  So, all the years prior to her getting sick I would LIVE for bedtime.  After she got sick, I literally dreaded it because as you know sleep did not come easy for her due to the inflammation on her brain and if she was awake, so was I.

For four long years I would lay in bed “on call.”  I would halfway sleep, never allowing myself to relax enough to get in that deep sleep afraid that the moment I did Hannah would be awake and needing me.  I remember several times being literally “dead to the world” and waking up because I felt someone staring at me.  Hannah had walked into our room without me even knowing.  Normally I would hear her tiny feet walking down the long hallway on the wood floors; but on those rare occasions I would wake up and she would be standing by my bed not saying a word…..just starring at me.  Kind of eerie!  So, bedtime/nighttime has been difficult for us over the past 4 years until the past month.  I never dreamed of these current nights being a reality!  I am so thankful.

Tonight……I watched Hannah fall asleep.  I kissed her on her head and told her to close her eyes.  She said…..”I love you so much all my heart mama,” and then drifted off to sleep so peacefully.  She was still somewhat awake when I walked out of her room but a few minutes later I walked back in to check on her and I watched her with a smile on my face and joy in my heart.  The peaceful slumber had engulfed her and I stood there so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for bringing Vasayo into our life.  These products have truly been a miracle for us.  I know I blog about it a lot lately but when your child has been sick for so long and you have lived a nightmare with no end in sight; then you find something that works you can’t help but talk about it, share it and be passionate about it.  That is how I am right now.  I owe so much to Vasayo, not only the products but the people involved and the business as well.  I have to shout it from the mountaintops!

Tonight though I stood there by Hannah’s bedside and I quietly mouthed the words, “sleep tight baby girl” and thanked the Lord for this miracle.  The miracle of SLEEP for Hannah.  I knew she wasn’t sleeping well for 4 years and it wasn’t for lack of trying EVERYTHING under the sun to help her; to no avail.  I had no clue though just how little sleep she was getting and how that was contributing negatively to her overall decline in personality and behavior.  It is amazing the effect no sleep has on you and the effect that a good night sleep has on you… is a world of difference.

So, tonight I sat there and watched her so grateful and thankful for that moment of watching her drift quickly off to sleep……I truly never thought this day would come.  Sleep tight baby girl……see you in the morning!

Well, I don’t have a recent picture of her sleeping so this old one will have to do…..I miss this season of life but I am hopeful for the seasons ahead of us!

Until next time………

My Heart

I promise this won’t be a long drawn out blog post but I was just sitting here thinking about the past nearly 12 years.  Hannah has ALWAYS been sick.  It began in the womb and has continued until today.  For almost 12 years I have loved her, taken care of her and prayed over her.  For 12 years I have begged God to give her a break and to heal her.  The past 4 years have been the hardest.  I think in my 45 years of life I have cried more the past 4 years than I have in the 41 years prior.  I have never begged, pleaded and promised God more than I have in this past 4 years to just please send me something to help my little girl feel better.  I never stopped praying for healing but I started asking him “if you aren’t going to heal her, send us a miracle to help her.”  God sent Vasayo…..what I didn’t expect was the miracle I would receive as well.

I never knew this kind of love existed…..the love you have for your child.  I never knew you could love someone so much that it hurt.  People have asked me many times “why did you only have one child?”  Oh, the answer to that is so easy……”it hurt to love someone this much.”  Honestly, had Hannah not had the physical and mental issues she was born with, Dennis and I most likely would have had another child (well…..maybe…..he wanted more, but I always said I was one and done).  It wasn’t because I didn’t think I could handle it, it was truly because my heart was breaking each and every day as I watched my baby endure so much more than I ever had.  I mean, she has had 3 open-heart surgeries, multiple other surgeries and procedures, illness after illness and each time my heart shattered a little bit more as I watched helplessly.  But, through it all God was at work.  He was doing something behind the scenes that I knew nothing about.  He was molding and shaping Hannah, Dennis and me to one day be able to share of His miracles.  He was leading us in the valley so we could shout His praise from the mountaintop.  My dear friend Karen Carroll told me prior to Hannah’s birth something I will never forget.  She said, “Tamara, if we could see what God sees; if we could see the big picture, we would choose the same life that He has chosen for us.  If we knew what God knew then we would be right here in the same place He has us.”  She told me that prior to Hannah ever being born (even though we knew she would have a chromosome abnormality and a really bad congenital heart defect).

My heart……this precious little girl.  This miraculous gift from God (who the doctors said wouldn’t survive birth, by the way).  This sweet, beautiful little girl made in HIS image who has been through more than most adults and yet……she has persevered, she is resilient, she never complains and she smiles through the pain.  My heart, my hero, my teacher, my friend, my greatest gift and biggest blessing…….HANNAH!  I speak her name and tears well up in my eyes.  Isn’t that a beautiful name?  In all honesty it was the ONLY girls name Dennis and I could agree on.  HA!  We knew her middle name would be Brooke (after my cousin) but the first name we struggled with and Dennis was driving down the road and saw a street sign named Hannah and he called me and said, “how about Hannah Brooke?”  YES!  We finally agreed!  He wanted a Biblical name and I wanted a “trendy” name…..he won; but I look at her and it was the perfect name for her.  I know I totally just got off the subject but that is what my brain does at midnight!  HA!

There is so much God is doing right now in our life.  From the results of the Vasayo products in all 3 of us to the business to the community we are a part of to the friends we have made.  I could go on and on and on BUT GOD……He brought all of these things together in HIS time.  He has blessed us in so many ways in just the last month with a product that works, a business opportunity,  a paycheck I haven’t had in 12 years, an amazing trip to Las Vegas, a new car, new friends, amazing co-workers, etc…..BUT most of all…..MY HEART…..MY HANNAH…..maybe not healed but SO much better and getting better each and every day.  After 4 very dark and lonely years……I will take THIS!  I can do THIS!  We are beginning to live again instead of merely existing……My heart is beating again and I am so very thankful to the Lord!  It is ALL because of HIM!

One more thing and I will go to bed……..Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who is hurting.  You might just be the person that God uses to bring hope, light and life back to them.  Had it not been for my friends John and Kerri investing in Hannah and me we wouldn’t be here, in this place, right now.  I would still be searching for answers, hope and healing and Hannah would still be suffering.  Don’t be afraid to get “uncomfortable” and help someone!  Because John and Kerri weren’t afraid to get “uncomfortable” Hannah is better.  I am forever indebted and forever grateful!  I could share more about what has transpired all because of Vasayo with me but I will wait until another day because right now all that matters is that Hannah is better and getting better each and every day.

Thank you Lord!  Thank you John and Kerri!  Thank you Vasayo!

If you want to know more you can go to my website at

My heart……..

Until next time……..


Your Struggle Is Your Investment and God’s Presence Felt All Over Sin City

It almost seems like an oxymoron to use the name of God and Sin City in the same sentence; but if this past few days has shown me anything, you can’t keep God out of any place where He is being glorified, praised and honored.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin…..I don’t want this blog post to get too long-winded but I want  you to get a glimpse that God is sill a God of grace, love, mercy and HEALING!

As most of you know, three weeks from Thursday I became a Brand Partner with Vasayo.  If you read my blog post entitled “My Why” you know the story.  If not, go back and read it before you continue here; so you get the full picture.  What I hadn’t blogged about as of yet was that the day after I wrote that blog post, our Founder of Vasayo, Dallin Larsen called me personally just to acknowledge me and my story…..MY WHY, if you will.  I was honored, shocked and humbled by his phone call.  Ricky Untermeyer (who is the Diamond in my upline) was on that call with Dallin.  When Dallin hung up the phone Ricky and I had a long talk…..then we had CHURCH!  Ricky prayed, spoke God’s truths into me and then said……”Tamara….your struggle is your investment.”  WOW, that hit me……that hit me hard.  For 4 years we have struggled.  For 4 years we have cried, pleaded and begged God through many tears to send us a miracle and now that miracle is my message.  Years of struggle, years of barely breathing, years of barely (at times) getting through the day has led to what I am fixing to share with you now…….

About 2 hours after hanging up the phone with Ricky, I received a call from John Soud, my sponsor in Vasayo and my friend.  He said, “Tamara, do you and Dennis want to go to Vegas for the Vasayo Grand Opening.”  I replied, “I don’t know how we can make that happen with Dennis’ work schedule, care for Hannah and financially it just isn’t in the budget.”  BUT GOD……God took those hurdles and made them all non-issues.  Dennis got off work, we found 2 people (and a village of others willing to pitch in) to care for Hannah and then the greatest hurdle of all……He worked out the finances (to this day I don’t know how He did that, but He did).  But, the story doesn’t end there.  Last Tuesday, I received a call from one of the most amazing ladies I have had the honor of meeting….Holly Roush.  Holly and her husband Corbin are amazing, God-honoring leaders in Vasayo.  Holly asked me if I would be willing to give a brief testimony to open the Grand Opening of our company in Vegas.  I was honored and floored to have been asked.  Of course, I said yes.  Little did I know at that time that about 7,000 people had signed up to be at that Grand Opening.

This past Sunday, Dennis and I flew to Vegas.  Now…..let me say, I have been to Vegas 5 times.  I love Vegas, but I love big cities with lots of hustle and bustle, shows, good food and great shopping… know, the list goes on.  Dennis on the other hand is a country boy and this was his first time ever to Vegas…..needless to say, he was not impressed with Vegas AT ALL!  He really struggled paying $20 for a hamburger!  HA!  But, it was something he could check off his bucket list and he wanted to be there to support me.  I am so blessed to have him on this journey with me, not just with Vasayo, but in life.  What neither he nor I expected was what was to come.

We stayed at the Paris Hotel on the Strip! It was beautiful!

Monday morning came and I was…….SCARED TO DEATH!  I couldn’t eat, I felt sick, I don’t think I have ever been so nervous.  I was to speak somewhere between 1pm-2pm and all I could think about was…..”I can’t wait until it is over!”  But, I have to stop here.  I have to share with you what happened when the Grand Opening started……it will give you a glimpse into our company, our leaders and what they hold dear……..GOD and FAITH!  Dallin and Karree (his wife) opened our first meeting with PRAYER!  They truly epitomize Godliness.  They have a deep grounded faith in our Lord and Savior.  Dallin said that it is God first…..ALWAYS AND IN ALL THINGS.  I love that you can be in a BUSINESS and God is glorified, His name is lifted high and He is honored and kept first always.  Then, being that it was Memorial Day, Dallin honored all of our first responders and military.  He asked all of those who had served in the military or who were first responders to come forward……Oh, my heart almost exploded (y’all know how much I love our military and first responders)!  Not too long after that I hit the stage to give my testimony of all the wonderful results we have seen using the Vasayo products with Hannah.  I was given 3 minutes and those were the longest 3 minutes of my life!  HA!  After it was over, I was relieved and was able to sit down, enjoy and soak up the many speakers who each and every one of them gave glory to God for all they had, for all they had accomplished and for all they were going to accomplish.  Speaker after speaker giving praise to our Heavenly Father!  If I hadn’t already known I was where I was supposed to be I knew it after hearing each and every speaker both on Monday and Tuesday.

During the two day Grand Opening there were some things being given away;  iPads and a new Vasayo car!  I will be honest, I was just thrilled to be there.  To be a part of this amazing business and to soak up each and every word that was spoken so I could come home and build my business; one of which I want to #1 honor Christ and #2 be able to give back to so many who are walking journey’s similar to mine.  Just having the opportunity to go, meet so many new friends and be there with dear friends was amazing to me.

Tuesday afternoon was a day I will hold in my memory forever……around 5pm Dallin decided it was time to draw the name for the person to win the Vasayo car….a 2017 Chevy Volt.  I was sitting there so excited to see who won. I mean, who wouldn’t want to win a car.  I had zero expectations and I was just was so excited to celebrate someone else’s blessing.  Karree, Dallin’s wife, drew the name and handed it to Dallin.  Dallin looked at the name and was silent for a few seconds and said, “I am going to cry.”  He went on to explain how helping children is his passion.  He went on to talk about mother’s who want to help their children be healthier and then talked about a mom who was willing to get on stage and share about her love for her daughter Hannah and how Vasayo has helped her.  I was STUNNED when he called my name that I had WON THE CAR!  In fact, I think it took me a little too long to stand up and get to the stage as I sat there shocked!  I have never won anything in my life and my name was just called to win a CAR!  I am still stunned and in awe as I sit here and type that.  I immediately felt undeserving.  I mean I have literally been in this business for not even 3 weeks yet and I won a car!  How crazy is that?  But, can I share something that meant more to me than winning the car?  THE PEOPLE……THE GODLY, GRACIOUS, GIVING, LOVING, KIND and AUTHENTIC people that God has placed in my life because of Vasayo!  This product is LIFE-CHANGING!  This business is LIFE-CHANGING!  The people from the very top of this business to the “lumps of coal” as Dennis refers to he and I in this business (until my lump of coal is chiseled away to create a DIAMOND) are incredible and amazing!  I am honored, humbled and touched by the out-pouring of love we have been given and the kindness we have been shown.  I could sit here and name person after person who have poured their lives into mine for the past 3 weeks…….Dallin and Karree, Holly and Corbin, Ricky and Francoise, Rob and Jessica, Sandra, Clayton and Angela, Sebastian Castelli (this gentleman right here is a whole other blog post in itself) and John and Kerri (who were so willing to invest in Hannah, Dennis and me).  The people I have met on this trip who I will be on this journey with for years to come……I am so grateful… absolutely grateful.  My life is so much fuller.  Dennis’ life is so much fuller and most importanly HANNAH’S life is so much fuller because of Vasayo!

My new car!


Dennis, Karree, me, Dallin and John


Dennis, Holly and me


Rob, Jessica, Dennis, Me, Sandra and John


Clayton, John, Dennis, me, Kerri, Angela and Sandra


UCREW NATION! My Vasayo Family!


Dinner our last night in Vegas at Prime Steak in the Bellagio! So yummy!


My sweetie and me. We are at the Bellagio overlooking the Paris hotel!


I am sitting here at 12:18am in awe and so very grateful for my struggle that is my investment and my miracle that is my message.  I am so thankful that God showed up in Sin City and that these precious people I have surrounded myself with in this business are God-fearing, God-honoring and God-loving.  Oh, if I could just express in words what is in my heart for my Vasayo family……but my words fall short……I am deeply touched.  I am deeply moved.  I am deeply grateful to each and everyone of you!


Until next time…….