Me Time and Learning To Take One Day At A Time

I am really bad at not going to bed at a decent hour and waking up exhausted.  The last week or so it has been after midnight that I finally peel myself up off the sofa and make my way to bed.  When Dennis calls me each morning he will ask how I am and my response is always, “exhausted and on my 4th cup of coffee.”  To which he responds, “well, if you didn’t stay up until midnight…..”  I know….I know but it is the ONLY “me time” I get each day.  Peace and quiet from the constant “loud talking” and repetitive speech I hear from the time Hannah gets up to the time she goes to bed.  The only time I get to not be on edge waiting to see if she is going to be a puddle of tears, an angry mountain lion or a manic wild child.  It is the only time I get and no, I don’t do anything.  I sit on the sofa and catch up on the shows recorded on the DVR.  I could be utilizing the time more wisely like reading, writing or ironing (which is my least favorite thing to do); but I just don’t have the mental or physical strength to do anything……I just want to sit and watch mindless TV.  It is the only time I get, and I am sure there are many of you out there who understand and feel the same way.  I do have the luxury of “sleeping in” as long as Hannah does and for that I am grateful. I need to break the cycle and make myself go to bed at least by 10:30 but that is proving difficult.  I crave my time alone…….please tell me I am not the only one!

Last night, when I finally made my way to bed, I laid down and started praying.  I caught myself praying for a good day today.  I prayed that Hannah would wake up happy and that we would have a peaceful day.  I didn’t ask for a peaceful week…..just one day.  That is all I can manage anymore; one day at a time.  I have always been a planner……but, with Hannah there is no planning because most of the time plans are going to fall through or at least change.  It used to upset me so much but the longer we have endured this disease the more I have come to appreciate one day at a time (even though I am still learning how to do it that way).  The song, “One Day at a Time” comes to mind:

I’m only human.
I’m just a woman.
Lord help me believe in all I can be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway that I have to climb
And Lord for my sake
Teach me to take one day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all that I’m asking from You.
Lord give me the strength to do every day what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today show me the way one day at a time.

Now do You remember when You walked among men?
Well Jesus You know if You’re looking below
It’s worse now than then.
Pushing and shoving violence and crime
And so for my sake teach me to take one day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all that I’m asking from You.
Lord give me the strength to do every day what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today and show me the way one day at a time.

Lord help me today show me the way
One day at a time.

As the song says…..yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never be mine……I am a work in progress.  I don’t always have the happiest of days or the most peaceful of them either, but I am SLOWLY learning to take one day at a time and not worry about the failures of yesterday and not be fearful of the future.  I used to put so much energy into the failures and the fear (and I am still working on this part).  Focusing on those things keep me from finding the joy in the moment and the day I am in.  I do find myself “fearing the future” and I promise I try not to and I am working on that part but I have so much increased anxiety (more on this in a later blog post) that I find it difficult to live in the moment and take one day at a time.  So, last night, I even surprised myself as I prayed for just a “good day.”  Perhaps, I am learning, albeit slowly…….I didn’t take the prayer any further into the future…..just asked for one good day.

Until next time…….

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My “Aha” Moment

Websters defines an “aha moment” as:
a moment of sudden realization, inspiration, insight, recognition, or comprehension

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I will be honest.  I wrote a blog post yesterday that I was going to post today but then last night the strangest, most surreal, most wonderful thing happened and I decided to blog about that instead.

I do my best thinking, praying, reflecting at night when I am putting Hannah to bed.  I don’t always put her to bed but when I do it is the quietest time I have throughout the day and it is during that time where I can really pray and reflect.  Dennis has been out-of-town and I have gone at this alone and my days are harder when he is gone because I don’t have him coming home in the evenings to give me some relief.  So, when he is gone, I tend to be more stressed, anxious and sad.

Last night, Hannah was falling asleep and I was sitting on the floor in her room praying.  All of a sudden, through my prayers I heard God speak.  Now, listen, before you think I have completely lost my mind, it wasn’t a verbal communication with Him.  It was more in terms of what I called my “Aha Moment.”  It was almost like he turned the light switch on in my brain and I saw things clearer than I have in a very long time.  It was His wisdom and He mercifully gave me this aha moment so I could get a glimpse of His hand and have peace in my heart.

So, here is what He told me……

God gives us all strengths to get through life.  Some people He gave incredible talents to, like singing, dancing, acting.  Some people He gave incredible minds to like those who become doctors, nurses, lawyers, financial/banking/accountants and teachers.  Some people He gave the mind for creativity like people in marketing and graphic design.  Some He gave amazing personalities to for journalism, public relations and realtors.  Some people are introverts and don’t like to interact with others but are wonderful scientists and computer programmers.  He then also gave some people amazing courage, bravery and a sense of no fear and those people are wonderful military, police officers, firefighters and federal law enforcement officers.  God gave amazing gifts for us to use.  Fact is though, He gave me none of what I just mentioned.  Now, that is not low-self-esteem talking, that is just the facts.  I don’t have the genetic make-up to have done any of those careers well.  I could have dabbled in some of them, but to be successful, I would not have been.  God didn’t give me the drive, stamina, competitiveness or the motivation to do any of those things and to do them well.  One of the things I was taught growing up was we need to do everything we do as pleasing unto the Lord.  Yes, I could have been a police officer, teacher, nurse but I don’t know that I would have done any of those things well because God called me for something else.

I didn’t realize what that something else was until I had Hannah.  Now, it wasn’t my plan and it certainly wasn’t my dream to be a stay-at-home mom of a little girl with special needs but it IS what He equipped me to do.  My Aha moment came last night when I realized (and I know this was God turning that light switch on in my brain) that He always had given me the contentment to be at home.  I was always a homebody, even as a child.  I never liked to leave the house.  I craved sleep, I was happy even as a child to play in my room alone.  I would go outside with my brother for all of 5 minutes to play ball or slide down the slide in the backyard and I was done and was going back in the house.  I never had big dreams of being rich and famous, even though I wouldn’t mind having the money now, but the only thing I would use it for is to get Hannah what she needed that insurance won’t pay for.  When I did work, I was never content or satisfied.  I got bored easily and hated, hated, hated working 8am-5pm!  I hated driving in rush hour traffic and there was nothing worse than working for such a small paycheck, ha!

All those years ago, God was preparing me and equipping me to do just what I am doing right now.  He instilled in me what I needed for today all those years ago.  Patience, contentment being at home, low-energy (believe it or not that is a gift for me).  If I had high energy and had the need to go, go, go; I would be absolutely miserable.  I never thought that low-energy, low-stamina and no athletic ability (ha) would benefit me like it does.  I literally have to force myself to run in the evenings.  Once I do it, I am happy that I did, but it truly is a chore for me.  I only do it because I want to take care of this one body that God gave me.  He instilled in me a love for cooking and even cleaning.  Yes, I am crazy, but there is nothing better in my life than a clean house!  I smile when I vacuum (yes, I just officially turned into my mother)!

I admire those women God gave IT ALL to.  Those mom’s who have the motivation, drive and stamina to work full-time, have kids, a husband/partner, a home and they DO IT ALL!  For those of you who don’t realize it….God equipped you for that!  He didn’t equip all of us for it.  The thought of having to work outside the home literally makes me sick to my stomach but not because I don’t want to, because I know I couldn’t do it if I tried.  So, those of you who do it….WOW, you amaze me and that is a gift from God that He equipped you with something He did not equip me with.  But, you know what?  He equipped me with what I needed and last night that all became clear to me.  I was sitting there praying and literally begging God to heal my child and He calmly put His hand on me, calmed the storm in my soul and spoke (not audibly as I don’t want y’all to think I have gone crazy), but that still, small, quiet voice in my soul…..”my dear child, I have equipped you with everything you need to do for what I have called you to do.  I have chosen this life for you, for a specific purpose and all you need to do is to do it as unto me and I promise you, it will be okay.”  I literally heard those words spoken into my heart.  No lie here people…..I literally felt His presence as tears streamed down my face and I realized “AHA” that is what He called me to do and He truly has equipped me and started years ago preparing my heart, my mind and my soul for this journey that HE CHOSE FOR ME.

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Pretty amazing, huh?  Do I still get down and sad?  Absolutely!  He never said it would be easy, He just said He would never leave us nor forsake us.  He equips those He calls and you know what?  We each have a calling…..it is up to you to listen to what that is.

 

***Right after I wrote this blog post, before I hit Publish Hannah went into one of the worst rages I have ever seen.  She bit her lip and wouldn’t stop, but with each bite she screamed in pain attacking herself and me.  Scratching, kicking and hitting.  It was all I could do to hold her wrists so she couldn’t inflict more pain on herself or me.  She wouldn’t stop biting her lip and there was no reasoning with her that she was doing it to herself and to just stop (this is part of the OCD, she becomes obsessed with harmful behavior and literally cannot stop).  For 30 minutes she cried, bit her lip as blood gushed from it and looked at me like I was then one doing it to her.  I finally got some Motrin in her (treats the inflammation on the brain and calms the harmful OCD behaviors).  This is the REAL look of PANS/PANDAS.  It can happen instantaneously, without reason and it is heartbreaking and gut-wrenching to watch as your child cannot stop!  The anger, rage, aggression, depression, anxiety and OCD of this disease is horrific.  I know Satan allowed that to happen before I hit Publish on this blog because he didn’t want me to Publish this one.  He didn’t want me to acknowledge to myself or anyone else that God is going to equip me and carry me through this, no matter how difficult it is.  The evil one is losing this one…..I am acknowledging it and I am relying on God’s infinite grace, strength and mercy to get me through.  HE equipped me and continues to….the evil one can kiss my ______!  (you can fill in the blank….I won’t type the word).  LOL!***

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Until next time………..

I Am So Sorry

 

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I am so sorry I didn’t in the past recognize other people’s hurts, loneliness, heartaches and struggles.

I am so sorry that I was so self-absorbed in my own perfect world not to look for, really see and help those hurting.

I am so sorry it took my own personal journey of hardship, loneliness, pain and heartache to rid myself of the awful judgmental, materialistic, self-righteous traits that had consumed me.

I am so sorry that so many people are walking lonely, heartbreaking and difficult journey’s alone because no one is willing to walk it with them and love them through it.

I am so sorry I didn’t have the ability to look past myself and encourage the hopeless, help the weary or validate the feelings of others who were depressed and discouraged.

I am sorry that I didn’t take the time to look and see those hurting around me.

I have been blessed with friends and family willing to walk with us on this difficult journey with Hannah.  But, it hit me today, how many hurting people out there, with struggles I cannot even fathom, are going at it alone; with no one to lean on?  How many people who are in the valley of despair get cards in the mail?  A text?  A Facebook message?  A phone call?  A meal?  A goodie basket delivered?  How many people walk journey’s we never know about completely alone because we don’t take the time to look, ask and really see?

I can guarantee you that today, someone you know is hurting.  I am not writing this to condemn anyone but more of a reason to really open our eyes and look and see that people all around us are struggling.  Some people have struggles I know nothing about and cannot relate, but that doesn’t matter.  Struggles are struggles.  We all go through difficult valley’s in life; none of us are immune to it.  I can probably name 10 people off the top of my head right now who are struggling with something and hurting…….can you?  May I encourage you to drop a card in the mail, send a text, take a meal, clean a house, just offer to do something?  I have had those things done (or at least offered to be done) and you can never put a price on the impact it makes on the person who is hurting and struggling; nor a price on the blessing you will receive from it.  I am going to double my efforts trying to help someone this week.  Will you join me?

Until next time……….

 

 

Pennsylvania and Wedding Fun

I am finally getting around to blogging about our recent trip to beautiful Pennsylvania.  The reason we took the trip was for my cousin Britt’s wedding and we thought it was a good time for a much-needed getaway (to one of my favorite places).  Dennis and I needed some time to recharge our batteries and reconnect and we got to see so many of my family members that we haven’t seen since our last trip 6 years ago.  So, even with my anxiety going crazy, we left Hannah behind with her wonderful caregivers, friends and Godparents and we boarded a plane to Baltimore, rented a car and heading into God’s country…..

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I have to admit, we crossed the Maryland border into Pennsylvania and I got emotional.  My grandpa was from Pennsylvania and we spent many summers up there visiting family, going to Family Reunions, Hershey Park and Amish Country.  It has always felt like home to me even though I never lived there (but always wished I had been raised there).  We decided to do something out of the ordinary, and instead of staying at a chain hotel, we chose to stay right in downtown York.  York is the home of “York Peppermint Patties” and it is an old, beautiful town.  The church and reception for the wedding was right in downtown York too and we could have walked to both venues had it not been so blasted hot outside.  We happened to be there in the middle of a heat wave!  UGH!  But, that didn’t damper our spirits.  The Yorktowne Hotel was an old historic hotel that was absolutely beautiful.  You walked in and felt like you were walking into the 1920’s.  The decor, the music playing, the hospitality…..everything was just perfect.   I should have taken a picture of our room and didn’t but Dennis took this shot of our view of downtown York from our 8th floor room:

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We got checked in and settled and we were starving so we walked a few blocks to a restaurant called The Left Bank.  It was a beautiful old building, with lots of cool atmosphere.  We were slightly under-dressed in jeans but we went anyway because let’s face it….Dennis was willing to splurge on an expensive steak dinner and I wasn’t about to turn that down.  The food was amazing, served elegantly and the atmosphere was quiet and relaxed.  We ate too much, but had a great time.

The next day we spent in Lancaster, Intercourse, Blue Ball and Bird In Hand…..yes, they are all towns in Pennsylvania…..Amish Country.  I know people get a kick out of the names.  Dennis especially has had fun with showing pictures of us in “Intercourse.”  HA!  Leave it to a man!

Welcome to Intercourse, PA.....Kitchen Kettle Village

Welcome to Intercourse, PA…..Kitchen Kettle Village

 

I saw this sign in one of the shops and it made me laugh hysterically. You young people just wait until after giving birth and getting older.....this will prove true for you too! HA!

I saw this sign in one of the shops and it made me laugh hysterically. You young people just wait until after giving birth and getting older…..this will prove true for you too! HA!  I may or may not have bought one of these!

 

One of my favorite things about Amish Country!

One of my favorite things about Amish Country!

 

Oh and we started our day like this......

Oh and we started our day like this……

We headed back towards York and decided to stop at a working dairy farm where I got to meet this little sweetie

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Dennis met one too!

Dennis met one too!  OH and his shirt says it all!  He gets lots of comments and laughter from people when he wears his favorite t-shirt!

After we left there, we headed over to Jacobus where my sweet Aunt Florence lives.  We were not going to stay long but we ended up staying and visiting with her for 4 hours.  My cousin Pearl came by too and we had a wonderful time.  We walked outside with Aunt Florence and picked fresh Concord grapes off the vine and came inside and she cooked us fresh corn, and we enjoyed fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots from her garden.  It was the perfect meal to end the day because we had over-indulged the whole day eating our way through Amish Country!

Aunt Florence and me

Aunt Florence and me

Saturday was spent taking a walk through York and a drive through more of the countryside.  Now, to be honest…..I found a quaint and cute town in Pennsylvania on the internet calls Shrewsbury, PA.  It was about 20 minutes from York so we decided to drive over.  The map I found had a canal with shopping all around and it looked like a great place to spend the morning.  We plugged in the address to Main Street on the GPS and we were off.  Well, we got there and it looked nothing like the map I had found on the website.  We got out and started walking and I said, “let me look at the map again.”  I started showing it to Dennis and he said…..”Tamara, what is the address on that website.”  I looked at it and read it….and then I saw the letters uk.  I started laughing hysterically and said, “oh…..this is the website to Shrewsbury, England…..not Shrewbury, Pennsylvania.”  OOPS!  Needless to say, I still haven’t lived that one down.  We did end up going to the Amish Farmers Market which was neat and we found a great little place in downtown York for lunch called the White Rose.  We then headed back to the hotel to get ready for the wedding.

The wedding was beautiful.  My cousin Britt and her new hubby Spence are so cute together and truly are a perfect match!  It was so good to see my extended family, hug their necks, talk, laugh and reconnect.  What better place than a wedding to do that.  There was good food, good drinks and dancing (which I don’t do because I have zero rhythm).  We had a great time.  Here are some pictures from the wedding and reception:

My cousin Kathy and me

My cousin Kathy and me

 

Me, Mark and Wanda (2 more of my cousins).

Me, Mark and Wanda (2 more of my cousins).

 

My handsome hubby and me

My handsome hubby and me

 

Pearl and me

Pearl and me

 

My sweet Aunt Florence with me at the wedding. She is amazing!

My sweet Aunt Florence with me at the wedding. She is amazing!

 

The beautiful bride and me. I wouldn't have missed her special day for anything!

The beautiful bride and me. I wouldn’t have missed her special day for anything!

I will be honest, I hated for that night to end and I hated for our trip to be coming to a close.  Dennis and I both stated we wished we had a few more days to spend.  We woke up Sunday morning and headed back to Baltimore to meet some friends for our last day and night.

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Let me share how my friends Henry and Marilyn blessed us.  They picked us up from the car rental place about 1pm in Baltimore.  They took us to lunch, toured us all over Baltimore, which is an amazing city.  I want to go back one day and spend a few days there.  Then they took us to a hotel that they had arranged for and taken care of for us.  We had to be at the airport at 6:30 on Monday morning and they made sure there was a shuttle to take us.  It was an amazing time with sweet friends.  What stands out to me about Henry, Marilyn and Seth is their devotion to the Lord and His calling on their lives.  They moved to Baltimore for Marilyn’s job but while there God has led them to and opened the doors for them to be church planters.  They have started a church in downtown Baltimore. In Henry’s word…..”the hood.”  They drove us by their church and told us about the people there; many of who have never heard about Jesus.  Lots of drugs, prostitution and crime and yet, that is where God has called them.  I was amazed at their willingness to follow God’s plan; in all honesty the love they have for that community is astonishing and sadly, a love that not many people possess……God calls and enables those called to do what needs to be done.  I am thankful He has called the Myers Family and I know He will enable them to reach many.  Would you join us in praying for them and Captivate Church in East Baltimore?  I know they would be very grateful for your prayers!

We flew home on Monday morning and came home to this sweet face:

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As much as I loved my time away…….I loved coming home to my Hannah!  Special thanks to Lyndsay, Sarah, Eleana, Melanie and Frank for loving on and caring for our sweet girl so we could get away.  It was a much-needed getaway for Dennis and me.  It was fun and relaxing because I had no doubt that Hannah was in the best possible hands and would be loved and cared for as their very own.  Dennis even said…..”Hannah had her own vacation away from us!”

Until next time………

How I Failed Yesterday

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Remember this?  I posted about it a few blogs back?  Well, I failed in doing it yesterday; truth be known I fail in doing it a lot.  Yesterday, I was not strong or dignified and I did not laugh and fear……well, I was completely and utterly fearful!  Let me explain…..

First though let me say this, I just haven’t had the words to write and I have several thing I want to blog about, but the words just won’t come right now.  I want to blog about our trip to Pennsylvania for my cousin’s wedding and Hannah’s first day of homeschooling this year; but those will have to wait until I get past this bump in the road.  Now about yesterday and my failure:

Yesterday, Hannah was “off” acting.  More sad, defiant and belligerent than usual.  More repetitive with her speech, behavior and activities than usual and even more OCD than usual (if that is even possible).  I just thought, “well she must not have slept well on Tuesday night or we all have days we don’t feel great” and I just chalked it up to that and we went through our day.

About 4pm Hannah was on the sofa playing with her iPad and I was in the kitchen.  I heard her say, “Hannah not okay, Hannah sick.”  I immediately went into the living room and I could tell what was fixing to happen.  She was pale, lethargic, clammy to the touch and BOOM……SEIZURE!  I stayed with her while it continued…..her eyes in the back of her head, her fist clenched, her arms and legs rigid, her body convulsing to the point I thought it would never stop.  When it finally did, she looked at me with the most frightened look in her eyes, knowing something had happened but not knowing what.  She softly began to cry and laid her head on the arm of the sofa, very sleepy.  I sat next to her and cuddled her in my arms.  I thought it was over……I got up to go in the kitchen to get her something to drink, the phone rang and it was Dennis.  No sooner than answering the phone I glanced in the living room and IT HAPPENED AGAIN!  I hung up on Dennis, ran into the living room and stood there as she convulsed.  The seizure was quicker this time, but in all honesty; I cannot say how long it lasted.  I got her situated afterwards again and called Dennis back.  My strength was gone.  There was no laughter and the fear was real.

Even though, Hannah was fine after the 2nd seizure, I kept replaying it in my head.  Questions as to why and when we will get help/answers were flooding my mind and anger……wow, the anger….why my child and hasn’t she been through enough.  Not to mention, we cannot find one Pediatric Neurologist who will listen to us.  We need a Neurologist who won’t chalk everything up to “Down Syndrome or Epilepsy.”  We need a Neurologist who will take the time to look at the timeline we created as to when all of this started going back to September 2013.  We need a Neurologist who won’t send us to a Psychiatrist (even though we see one every 6 weeks).  We need a Neurologist who will think outside the box, consider that just perhaps an infection can cross the blood brain barrier and create Neuropsychiatric behavior and seizures in a child who prior to it happening had a low immune system allowing the infection to permeate the brain causing all of this……it isn’t that difficult to figure out.  We need a Neurologist who will be willing to do more High-dose IVIG or Plasmapheresis until we fix this.  We have done and continue to do all the “band aids” of medications to help….but they are only band aids.  No cure.  We are treating her with all we can; but probably killing her liver and kidney’s in the process with all the medications.  We just need a Neurologist who will take a chance on us, take us seriously, treat our child for what we know she has and perhaps come out of this on the other side!

We are on our 6th Neurologist right now.  He had us do a sleep-deprieved EEG a few weeks ago and just this past Tuesday (after I called him 3 times), he called me back and informed me that she had “multiple misfires in her brain during the EEG.”  Misfires are seizure activity and she is on anti-seizure medication twice daily.  He just said that “kids with Down Syndrome are at a higher risk for Epilepsy and we will keep her on her medication.”  That was on Tuesday and yesterday she had 2 grand-mal seizures within 20 minutes.

I will admit……I am angry.  I am sad.  I am frustrated.  I am worried…..no, I am flat-out scared!  What if she has a seizure when we aren’t around?  What if someone else doesn’t know the “signs” to look for.  What if she is standing up somewhere and falls or on the potty again, like has happened before and no one is there to catch her.  What if…….there are so many what-if’s and concerns and questions…….Hannah has a smorgasbord of health issues……from no immune system, adrenal insufficiency, anemia, heart defects, PANDAS (which in itself is enough), seizures, hypothyroidism…..oh, the list goes on and on.  THIS is why we don’t leave the house except for doctor visits, this is why we don’t eat out and don’t have playdates, this is why we don’t go to church, to the movies, on vacation……THIS…..ALL OF THIS!  Am I scared?  Hell yes!  Have I done and continue to do all I possibly can to keep my precious little girl safe…..ABSOLUTELY and I will continue to but wow……the truth is  I am:

Not always clothed in strength and dignity and I don’t always laugh without fear of the future……..yesterday I failed in being who I want to be.  Yesterday, I cried.  Yesterday I was sad.  Yesterday I was fearful!

Today…….I FIGHT!  I fight for my daughter!  I fight to find a Neurologist who will help us and I will fight until I have no fight left in me; which will be the day that she has a complete and perfect healing from God!

Until next time………..

 

 

It’s Just A Game

Tis the season……no….not Christmas season, but football!  If you know me or have read my blog for any length of time you know that fall is my favorite time of the year; except for one thing…..FOOTBALL!  I hate football…..no, wait….I detest football.  Now, before you think I am crazy, I already know I am 1 of about 3 people on the planet that feels this way.  But, in my defense, I was not raised watching football.  My dad could care less about it and my brother liked it growing up but really only watched his team play.  He is a Clemson Tiger fan for college and if I remember correctly, he is a Pittsburgh Steeler’s fan for NFL.  Another thing about me, is I am not athletic nor do I have one ounce of competitiveness in me.  I seriously can play a game, participate in a sport or whatever and I don’t give a crap if I win or lose. So, in my defense those are the main reasons that football is not a “thing” for me.  If I had to claim a team though for grins and giggles, it would be the Georgia Bulldogs for college and the Dallas Cowboys for NFL; but I am not going to sit and watch them play either.  I just don’t know how you sit for 4 hours and watch grown men run, kick or throw a ball up and down a field…..but, to each their own.

Now, I married a “football lover.”  He is a die-hard Florida Gator fan (I was a Gator fan for 4 years when Tim Tebow played for them but only because I love Tebow and I never watched a game just a down here or there when Tebow had the ball).  Dennis eats, breathes and sleeps football in the fall.  He used to be “worse” than he is now.  Remote controls used to fly, doors used to slam and there were times I was seconds away from dialing 911 afraid he was going to drop-dead from a  coronary just watching the Gators play.  They could be winning 48-0 and he would still be on the edge of his seat until the game was over.  Prior to Hannah, I would just leave and shop, go to the movies, and do my thing all day on Saturday so he could sit and watch football uninterrupted and I didn’t have to hear it.  But, when Hannah was born that changed and fortunately the way Dennis watches football changed too.  I think he realized that there were actually more important things in life than College football when Hannah came along. That first football season after she was born was mostly spent in and out of the hospital, so watching a game was more difficult.  As the years have gone by, he still loves the game and loves his Gators, but isn’t near as “passionate” as he used to be; and I am thankful for that.

I love that the air will start to cool down slightly, I love the smell and foods of autumn and I love the holidays that this time of the year bring our way.  The one thing I could live without is football.  It is quite comical and sad all at the same time to see how people react to their teams winning and losing.  People get downright mean and hateful, depressed, angry…..grown men cry!  Football season is worse than any political season ever thought of being.  People show their true colors during football season.  Some people get arrogant and cocky because their teams win a lot; some never get the chance because their teams stink.  I know people who PRAY that their team will win…..REALLY?  I seriously doubt God cares who wins a football game.  I think the thing some forget is….it is JUST a game.  Yes, the really good players can go on and get a contract with a pro-team making an ungodly amount of money, so that is good for them but for the average football lover, what does that do for them?

I don’t know….chalk up my detest for the game to me being non-competitive, not being raised watching it, not being able to sit still long enough to watch one down, much less a whole game.  Now….a football party I could handle as long as there is good food, good beverages and at least one other person who could care less about who is winning and losing.  HA!  The one good thing about football season beginning is that I am sure the amount of football posts on Facebook will far out-number the political ones; so that is a good thing.

To each their own.  I know right now there are millions of men and women who are so happy about today and the beginning of football season.  Enjoy the season, times with your friends and family and may all of your teams win.  I will sit here dreaming of football season being over!  Most importantly though…….be kind…..after all, it is JUST a game!

Thank the Lord!

Thank the Lord!

Until next time……….