I have been doing a lot of thinking lately….I know that could be scary! I haven’t been able to fall asleep or stay asleep the past few weeks as the wheels in my brain keep spinning and thinking and I can’t shut them off. I have thought about everything from my past to the present to the future. I have thought about family and friends and enemies. I have thought about successes and failures; challenges and blessings. I have thought about God, His promises and my faith and how it has grown and changed in so many ways especially the past 13 years. I have thought about receiving grace and extending grace. I have thought about hurts, sorrows, wants and longings as well as joys, accomplishments and having my needs met.
When you are laying in bed and can’t sleep the thoughts are rampant. I have laid there in tears and with a smile. I have felt sadness, grief and anger and also joy and happiness. I have done the whole, “if I had done this different where would I be” thought process and also “if I hadn’t done this where would I be?” Thinking can be good and really bad if you allow it to be.
Last night I laid in bed thankful for friendship. True, loyal friendship. Those kind of friends who know you and still love you no matter how much you might not love yourself. The ones you can be TOTALLY yourself with and have no judgment placed on you by them. Those you can trust with your deepest and darkest secrets and know those secrets are safe! I had dinner last night with 2 of those friends. These 2 girls probably know me better than anyone as every time we are together we lay it all out on the table. There are no secrets, nothing to hide and absolutely ZERO judgments! I am so thankful for those kind of friends……I am also very thankful for a husband that sees that I need that time and those girls in my life. I have had a rough few months and that 6 hours last night sitting at Seasons 52 was the best time I have had in a really long time. They say laughter is good medicine and it truly is. We shared our sorrows of life with each other and then we just laughed. We made fun of life and we just laughed and it felt so good. I am so thankful for those rare moments where I have not a care in the world and I can enjoy those special true and loyal friendships that God has blessed me with. It is funny too…..the 3 of us; we are TOTALLY different people on completely different journey’s yet we have a bond from our past that has carried us to where we are today. We are stronger, better, able to show more grace than we ever received and we have persevered some of the most traumatic life experiences ever and we have come out better because of it and stronger together for it. Some of our worst past experiences have molded us into who we are today and even though I would never wish certain experiences and challenges on anyone I am thankful for those experiences and the man who brought us all together into this place we are today. I cherish these women and our friendship.
Life is hard for everyone…..no matter the journey you are on I would venture to say nobody truly has it easy but if you have a friends or a group of friends or a whole tribe to help you endure the hardships of life then you are truly blessed and it makes life and the sucky parts of it so much more bearable. When you can look at that friend and say “life really sucks” and then laugh hysterically…..now that is a gift and one I was so thankful for last night. Yes, life sucks sometimes but finding the humor in it all and a friend to laugh about it with…..well, that is an amazing gift and one I will never take for granted!