Today, we celebrate 15 years of marriage. I look back on that day 15 years ago and life was blissful. I remember thinking that mine and Dennis’ romance was a fairytale. We were so in love…..deeply committed and had our whole life ahead of us (what was left of it anyway, being that we married older than most). Other than our jobs and paying our bills, we had no responsibility. Life was good…..easy almost. THEN, we added Hannah to the mix. A blessing and a crash course in turmoil (emotional, physical, spiritual and mental) all at the same time. We learned from the day that Hannah was born and the 11 years to follow the true meaning of those sacred vows we took 15 years ago.
Is marriage easy….NO! Is it fun? Sometimes, but not always. Do we argue, YEP! Am I always right? Of course….Hee Hee! In all seriousness, life has been hard. Marriage has been hard. Parenting has been REALLY hard, but you know what? It is worth it. Do we get grouchy with each other? Yes…..of course. But, you know what I have learned? You take the bad times and your bad moods out on the one you love the most. It is a sad and true fact. There is no one I am more comfortable with than Dennis. He can make me crazy and I am sure I do the same to him, but at the end of the day, he is my #1, my best friend, my confidant, my biggest encourager and the only person who can make me laugh in the hardest of times. Life is seriously a roller coaster for us…..not so much in our marriage but with Hannah and it is so hard to balance taking care of her and doing things for ourselves and our marriage. It is a constant struggle to balance and I will be honest, I have failed miserably at it most of the time. There are many times I have thought that it is too hard to find balance and Dennis gets pushed to the back burner. That isn’t the right thing to do, but sometimes it is all I can do. Does our marriage suffer because of it? Absolutely it does, and then we have to step back, re-evaluate and try to do it better. Is our life together the way I envisioned it 15 years ago as I walked down that aisle to become his wife? NOPE! He and I had different visions for our future (even though we didn’t know it at the time) and we hit some bumps in the road, but we came out of those bumps stronger together and now those once different visions are the same.
Today is a day we celebrate…..marriage should be celebrated! It is hard to keep one together, especially with the society we live in. You have to continually invest in each other and that is hard. I will be honest, there are days I don’t want to be the wife and mother that I am. I want to be selfish and live for myself. I don’t want to cook and clean. I don’t want to “answer” to anyone (even though for the record, I don’t “answer” to Dennis) but when you are married you can’t just live for yourself; you have to consider your partner in everything.
Making someone happy temporarily is the easy part but forever is a long time. You get on each other’s nerves. You want different things. It is a balancing act and one that I am not good at. I admit it! I do believe in those vows we took….better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health, forsaking ALL others until death do us part. I don’t take those vows lightly…..they mean something to me. How, you might ask, being that I have been divorced? Well, because of that divorce they mean even more now. The last thing that I ever want to go through again is another divorce. When I made those vows to Dennis they had even more of a meaning to me because of that divorce. I never want to be in that position again and I honestly would never have made those vows again if I didn’t think I could keep them.
Bottom line…..marriage is hard, but worth it. To find that person that makes you laugh, cry, scream, shout, happy, crazy, smile……I still get excited when he pulls in the driveway in the evenings after work. I still can’t wait for that kiss when he walks in the door and I still look forward to date nights (even though they don’t happen often). Our love is stronger than ever and I am so thankful for that. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Actually, we have said many times Life.Just.Sucks but at least we have each other to walk this journey with. I am so very thankful for that and I am so very thankful for the last 15 years of love, friendship, loyalty, honesty, and sacrifice that we both have made.
Happy Anniversary Dennis……in some ways it feels like just yesterday and in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago that we said “I do.” Fact is, I would say “I do” all over again……I love you!
Until next time……..