This whole motherhood journey is either going to make me or break me. To be honest, the last 6 months has almost broken me. Dealing with Hannah’s tummy issues, health issues and this new and “not-so-improved” attitude of hers is about to drive me insane and if you ask Dennis, that is a VERY short drive!
Oh.my.goodness…..Hannah is really coming into this little independent, stubborn, my-way-or-the-highway, I-will-do-it-myself diva! When I say diva, I mean it! She wants what she wants when she wants it and by-golly, she better get it! HA! The problem Hannah has though is her independent, stubborn, my-way-or-the-highway, I-will-do-it-myself diva of a mother……..can you see the problem here?
I truly LOST MY MIND with her last night and yelled at her at the dinner table. Of course, that got hers and Dennis’ attention. I am sure Hannah was thinking…..”me, you yelling at me, what did I do.” I can say that because of the immediate confused yet angelic look on her face that gave her thought process away. As for Dennis….I can imagine he was thinking…..”yep, it has officially happened…..she has lost her mind.” I am sure he has a mental health facility already programmed in his cell phone ready to be called at a moments notice. After my tirade…..I cried…..of course Hannah then kept telling me to “be happy” and Dennis just looked like he wanted to run from the table, out the door, drive away in his car and never look back.
I wish I could chalk all this up to hormones or “being a woman,” but honestly……motherhood has done this to me! I never in a million years dreamed just how difficult this job would really be. Heck, my mom made it look so easy and to be honest most of the mothers I know make it look so easy. I sure wish some of you people would tell me what it is you are doing right that I am doing wrong. I don’t know if it is because Hannah has special needs that makes it more difficult or seriously that I am doing something wrong; but geez……this is insane! Working a full-time job was ALOT easier than this mothering business! I laugh at people who say “I don’t remember what life was like before kids.” My response to that is, “oh holy heck, I remember and LIFE WAS GOOD!” I don’t know if people don’t want you to see what raising a child really looks like or if I am doing it wrong……but, I will just say it is hard work! Nevertheless, it is the path that God chose for me; so no matter how difficult it is, I will push through and Hannah and I will survive……hopefully! HA!
As hard as it is……I am trying to take each day for what it is. I am trying to wake up every morning with a clean slate. At the end of the day, no matter how difficult the day has been; I still want to be able to laugh and enjoy my family. I want to lay my head on my pillow and know that “tomorrow is another day” and that we start off each day “new.” I think this is something that I have lost sight of over the last year. I forgot how to laugh. I forgot how to have fun. I forgot to start over. I am trying to do that now. Yes, sometimes life just sucks……sometimes you wish you could crawl back in bed and start over. Well, the fact is, you can. Every night when you go to bed you get to look forward to a new day, a fresh start and a new beginning. So, that is what this blog post is about…..A New Beginning. I am vowing to take each day for what it is…..good or bad; it is just a day and tomorrow will be “NEW.” I am thinking that is truly the only way to live. I am having to live one day at a time. With Hannah, I can’t plan because the moment I do those plans fall through and unravel. So, why not just be happy every morning knowing that no matter what the day holds it will come to an end and you can look forward to another new beginning. I am liking this concept…….so, here is to New Beginnings and fresh starts each and everyday!
Until next time………