June 7th seems like it happened months ago and yet it was less than 3 weeks ago. We are in a “waiting game” right now. As my husband says….”let’s hurry up and wait.”
We are waiting for several things. First, we are waiting to talk to Hannah’s surgeon in Birmingham, but he is waiting to get and read all her last tests and reports. We are waiting for insurance, to see if they are even going to approve us going to Birmingham for Hannah’s heart cath and surgery. If insurance denies us, then we will be waiting for Plan B, which is another children’s hospital and new surgeon to see if they will take Hannah’s case and if insurance will approve that. If that fails, then onto Plan C and so on. Needless to say, this is where the anxiety kicks in. The not-knowing is the worst! We know Hannah has to have surgery, but the when, where and who is what we don’t know at this time and it is quite frustrating.
This is one of those times where we are clinging to God’s promises. I was having my devotion yesterday and the Lord showed me Isaiah 40:28-31:
28Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I really needed this yesterday. I was having a bad day and the thought that even though Dennis and I get weary and impatient, the Lord never grows weary and right now He is telling us that we have to wait, but during this time He is preparing us and in His time, will give us the strength that we need to walk this journey with Hannah.
This is not a journey either one of us wanted to take again, nothing is worse than watching your precious little girl suffer, in pain and not able to understand what is happening. All she comprehends right now is that her heart has several boo-boos and that we are going to go to the hospital and a sweet doctor is going to fix her boo-boos. Everyday she touches her chest and says “heart, boo-boos, go to doctor and boo-boos all done, mama”. Breaks my heart!
I am preparing the only way I know how right now. I am praying, reading God’s word and trusting. Trusting Him alone, with everything I have and everything I am. We have done this before, but it truly doesn’t get any easier! My heart is breaking, but I know God has a reason and a purpose for Hannah to go through this again. I have to believe what Isaiah 55:6-12 says:
6Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
9For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
11So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
12For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
God’ ways and thoughts are higher than mine….in Him will I put my trust! God has a BIGGER plan for Hannah, we don’t know what that is, but in God’s way, in His timing all of this that we are going through will be revealed and I know it will be for His glory and honor! What an awesome thought that is!