My Heart

I promise this won’t be a long drawn out blog post but I was just sitting here thinking about the past nearly 12 years.  Hannah has ALWAYS been sick.  It began in the womb and has continued until today.  For almost 12 years I have loved her, taken care of her and prayed over her.  For 12 years I have begged God to give her a break and to heal her.  The past 4 years have been the hardest.  I think in my 45 years of life I have cried more the past 4 years than I have in the 41 years prior.  I have never begged, pleaded and promised God more than I have in this past 4 years to just please send me something to help my little girl feel better.  I never stopped praying for healing but I started asking him “if you aren’t going to heal her, send us a miracle to help her.”  God sent Vasayo…..what I didn’t expect was the miracle I would receive as well.

I never knew this kind of love existed…..the love you have for your child.  I never knew you could love someone so much that it hurt.  People have asked me many times “why did you only have one child?”  Oh, the answer to that is so easy……”it hurt to love someone this much.”  Honestly, had Hannah not had the physical and mental issues she was born with, Dennis and I most likely would have had another child (well…..maybe…..he wanted more, but I always said I was one and done).  It wasn’t because I didn’t think I could handle it, it was truly because my heart was breaking each and every day as I watched my baby endure so much more than I ever had.  I mean, she has had 3 open-heart surgeries, multiple other surgeries and procedures, illness after illness and each time my heart shattered a little bit more as I watched helplessly.  But, through it all God was at work.  He was doing something behind the scenes that I knew nothing about.  He was molding and shaping Hannah, Dennis and me to one day be able to share of His miracles.  He was leading us in the valley so we could shout His praise from the mountaintop.  My dear friend Karen Carroll told me prior to Hannah’s birth something I will never forget.  She said, “Tamara, if we could see what God sees; if we could see the big picture, we would choose the same life that He has chosen for us.  If we knew what God knew then we would be right here in the same place He has us.”  She told me that prior to Hannah ever being born (even though we knew she would have a chromosome abnormality and a really bad congenital heart defect).

My heart……this precious little girl.  This miraculous gift from God (who the doctors said wouldn’t survive birth, by the way).  This sweet, beautiful little girl made in HIS image who has been through more than most adults and yet……she has persevered, she is resilient, she never complains and she smiles through the pain.  My heart, my hero, my teacher, my friend, my greatest gift and biggest blessing…….HANNAH!  I speak her name and tears well up in my eyes.  Isn’t that a beautiful name?  In all honesty it was the ONLY girls name Dennis and I could agree on.  HA!  We knew her middle name would be Brooke (after my cousin) but the first name we struggled with and Dennis was driving down the road and saw a street sign named Hannah and he called me and said, “how about Hannah Brooke?”  YES!  We finally agreed!  He wanted a Biblical name and I wanted a “trendy” name…..he won; but I look at her and it was the perfect name for her.  I know I totally just got off the subject but that is what my brain does at midnight!  HA!

There is so much God is doing right now in our life.  From the results of the Vasayo products in all 3 of us to the business to the community we are a part of to the friends we have made.  I could go on and on and on BUT GOD……He brought all of these things together in HIS time.  He has blessed us in so many ways in just the last month with a product that works, a business opportunity,  a paycheck I haven’t had in 12 years, an amazing trip to Las Vegas, a new car, new friends, amazing co-workers, etc…..BUT most of all…..MY HEART…..MY HANNAH…..maybe not healed but SO much better and getting better each and every day.  After 4 very dark and lonely years……I will take THIS!  I can do THIS!  We are beginning to live again instead of merely existing……My heart is beating again and I am so very thankful to the Lord!  It is ALL because of HIM!

One more thing and I will go to bed……..Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who is hurting.  You might just be the person that God uses to bring hope, light and life back to them.  Had it not been for my friends John and Kerri investing in Hannah and me we wouldn’t be here, in this place, right now.  I would still be searching for answers, hope and healing and Hannah would still be suffering.  Don’t be afraid to get “uncomfortable” and help someone!  Because John and Kerri weren’t afraid to get “uncomfortable” Hannah is better.  I am forever indebted and forever grateful!  I could share more about what has transpired all because of Vasayo with me but I will wait until another day because right now all that matters is that Hannah is better and getting better each and every day.

Thank you Lord!  Thank you John and Kerri!  Thank you Vasayo!

If you want to know more you can go to my website at

My heart……..

Until next time……..


Your Struggle Is Your Investment and God’s Presence Felt All Over Sin City

It almost seems like an oxymoron to use the name of God and Sin City in the same sentence; but if this past few days has shown me anything, you can’t keep God out of any place where He is being glorified, praised and honored.

I honestly don’t even know where to begin…..I don’t want this blog post to get too long-winded but I want  you to get a glimpse that God is sill a God of grace, love, mercy and HEALING!

As most of you know, three weeks from Thursday I became a Brand Partner with Vasayo.  If you read my blog post entitled “My Why” you know the story.  If not, go back and read it before you continue here; so you get the full picture.  What I hadn’t blogged about as of yet was that the day after I wrote that blog post, our Founder of Vasayo, Dallin Larsen called me personally just to acknowledge me and my story…..MY WHY, if you will.  I was honored, shocked and humbled by his phone call.  Ricky Untermeyer (who is the Diamond in my upline) was on that call with Dallin.  When Dallin hung up the phone Ricky and I had a long talk…..then we had CHURCH!  Ricky prayed, spoke God’s truths into me and then said……”Tamara….your struggle is your investment.”  WOW, that hit me……that hit me hard.  For 4 years we have struggled.  For 4 years we have cried, pleaded and begged God through many tears to send us a miracle and now that miracle is my message.  Years of struggle, years of barely breathing, years of barely (at times) getting through the day has led to what I am fixing to share with you now…….

About 2 hours after hanging up the phone with Ricky, I received a call from John Soud, my sponsor in Vasayo and my friend.  He said, “Tamara, do you and Dennis want to go to Vegas for the Vasayo Grand Opening.”  I replied, “I don’t know how we can make that happen with Dennis’ work schedule, care for Hannah and financially it just isn’t in the budget.”  BUT GOD……God took those hurdles and made them all non-issues.  Dennis got off work, we found 2 people (and a village of others willing to pitch in) to care for Hannah and then the greatest hurdle of all……He worked out the finances (to this day I don’t know how He did that, but He did).  But, the story doesn’t end there.  Last Tuesday, I received a call from one of the most amazing ladies I have had the honor of meeting….Holly Roush.  Holly and her husband Corbin are amazing, God-honoring leaders in Vasayo.  Holly asked me if I would be willing to give a brief testimony to open the Grand Opening of our company in Vegas.  I was honored and floored to have been asked.  Of course, I said yes.  Little did I know at that time that about 7,000 people had signed up to be at that Grand Opening.

This past Sunday, Dennis and I flew to Vegas.  Now…..let me say, I have been to Vegas 5 times.  I love Vegas, but I love big cities with lots of hustle and bustle, shows, good food and great shopping… know, the list goes on.  Dennis on the other hand is a country boy and this was his first time ever to Vegas…..needless to say, he was not impressed with Vegas AT ALL!  He really struggled paying $20 for a hamburger!  HA!  But, it was something he could check off his bucket list and he wanted to be there to support me.  I am so blessed to have him on this journey with me, not just with Vasayo, but in life.  What neither he nor I expected was what was to come.

We stayed at the Paris Hotel on the Strip! It was beautiful!

Monday morning came and I was…….SCARED TO DEATH!  I couldn’t eat, I felt sick, I don’t think I have ever been so nervous.  I was to speak somewhere between 1pm-2pm and all I could think about was…..”I can’t wait until it is over!”  But, I have to stop here.  I have to share with you what happened when the Grand Opening started……it will give you a glimpse into our company, our leaders and what they hold dear……..GOD and FAITH!  Dallin and Karree (his wife) opened our first meeting with PRAYER!  They truly epitomize Godliness.  They have a deep grounded faith in our Lord and Savior.  Dallin said that it is God first…..ALWAYS AND IN ALL THINGS.  I love that you can be in a BUSINESS and God is glorified, His name is lifted high and He is honored and kept first always.  Then, being that it was Memorial Day, Dallin honored all of our first responders and military.  He asked all of those who had served in the military or who were first responders to come forward……Oh, my heart almost exploded (y’all know how much I love our military and first responders)!  Not too long after that I hit the stage to give my testimony of all the wonderful results we have seen using the Vasayo products with Hannah.  I was given 3 minutes and those were the longest 3 minutes of my life!  HA!  After it was over, I was relieved and was able to sit down, enjoy and soak up the many speakers who each and every one of them gave glory to God for all they had, for all they had accomplished and for all they were going to accomplish.  Speaker after speaker giving praise to our Heavenly Father!  If I hadn’t already known I was where I was supposed to be I knew it after hearing each and every speaker both on Monday and Tuesday.

During the two day Grand Opening there were some things being given away;  iPads and a new Vasayo car!  I will be honest, I was just thrilled to be there.  To be a part of this amazing business and to soak up each and every word that was spoken so I could come home and build my business; one of which I want to #1 honor Christ and #2 be able to give back to so many who are walking journey’s similar to mine.  Just having the opportunity to go, meet so many new friends and be there with dear friends was amazing to me.

Tuesday afternoon was a day I will hold in my memory forever……around 5pm Dallin decided it was time to draw the name for the person to win the Vasayo car….a 2017 Chevy Volt.  I was sitting there so excited to see who won. I mean, who wouldn’t want to win a car.  I had zero expectations and I was just was so excited to celebrate someone else’s blessing.  Karree, Dallin’s wife, drew the name and handed it to Dallin.  Dallin looked at the name and was silent for a few seconds and said, “I am going to cry.”  He went on to explain how helping children is his passion.  He went on to talk about mother’s who want to help their children be healthier and then talked about a mom who was willing to get on stage and share about her love for her daughter Hannah and how Vasayo has helped her.  I was STUNNED when he called my name that I had WON THE CAR!  In fact, I think it took me a little too long to stand up and get to the stage as I sat there shocked!  I have never won anything in my life and my name was just called to win a CAR!  I am still stunned and in awe as I sit here and type that.  I immediately felt undeserving.  I mean I have literally been in this business for not even 3 weeks yet and I won a car!  How crazy is that?  But, can I share something that meant more to me than winning the car?  THE PEOPLE……THE GODLY, GRACIOUS, GIVING, LOVING, KIND and AUTHENTIC people that God has placed in my life because of Vasayo!  This product is LIFE-CHANGING!  This business is LIFE-CHANGING!  The people from the very top of this business to the “lumps of coal” as Dennis refers to he and I in this business (until my lump of coal is chiseled away to create a DIAMOND) are incredible and amazing!  I am honored, humbled and touched by the out-pouring of love we have been given and the kindness we have been shown.  I could sit here and name person after person who have poured their lives into mine for the past 3 weeks…….Dallin and Karree, Holly and Corbin, Ricky and Francoise, Rob and Jessica, Sandra, Clayton and Angela, Sebastian Castelli (this gentleman right here is a whole other blog post in itself) and John and Kerri (who were so willing to invest in Hannah, Dennis and me).  The people I have met on this trip who I will be on this journey with for years to come……I am so grateful… absolutely grateful.  My life is so much fuller.  Dennis’ life is so much fuller and most importanly HANNAH’S life is so much fuller because of Vasayo!

My new car!


Dennis, Karree, me, Dallin and John


Dennis, Holly and me


Rob, Jessica, Dennis, Me, Sandra and John


Clayton, John, Dennis, me, Kerri, Angela and Sandra


UCREW NATION! My Vasayo Family!


Dinner our last night in Vegas at Prime Steak in the Bellagio! So yummy!


My sweetie and me. We are at the Bellagio overlooking the Paris hotel!


I am sitting here at 12:18am in awe and so very grateful for my struggle that is my investment and my miracle that is my message.  I am so thankful that God showed up in Sin City and that these precious people I have surrounded myself with in this business are God-fearing, God-honoring and God-loving.  Oh, if I could just express in words what is in my heart for my Vasayo family……but my words fall short……I am deeply touched.  I am deeply moved.  I am deeply grateful to each and everyone of you!


Until next time…….

Lessons From The Last Few Weeks

You know, when it gets to this time of the night (it is 11:52pm to be exact), I find myself thinking.  Usually it has to do with what needs to be done and what hasn’t gotten done and setting goals to finally get up at the crack of dawn and complete tasks before Hannah gets up (which, let’s face it, I usually fail to do because I stay up way too dang late).  But…..tonight I am thinking of the lessons from the last few weeks.  Important lessons that I have learned.

  1. Friendship, it is one of the greatest gifts we have in life.  Those lifelong, forever faithful, non-judgmental friends who are with you and support you in the good, bad, hard, easy, tearful, happy, enjoyable and hellish times.  Those friends who are always there…..every.single.step.of.the.way.  Cultivate those friendships.  Cling to those friendships.  Enjoy those friendships.  Cherish those friendships……NEVER LET GO.  Those friendships are precious gifts from God.
  2. Get out of your comfort zone.  Get uncomfortable.  Face your fears (unless they are snakes, then don’t face those…..kill those and/or run).  HA!  Get uncomfortable and make some noise.  Be passionate about what you believe and what you believe in.
  3. NEVER say never……I did that 2 weeks ago and had to EAT MY WORDS!
  4. No matter how difficult your circumstances are…..someone has it worse.  Be thankful…..ALWAYS!  Don’t take one single thing or person for granted; as someone somewhere wishes they had your circumstances and struggles instead of their own.  This has been a difficult lesson for me to learn.  Life is hard!  Life is difficult.  Circumstances weigh you down and get you down BUT GOD…..Oh BUT GOD…..He has a plan, a purpose, a meaning FOR YOUR LIFE.  If you hear nothing else I say, know you are loved, cherished and that you have a specific purpose in life chosen by your Creator.
  5. Set goals……set what appear to be unrealistic goals (this is really difficult for people like me who are Realists; but set them anyway……learn to dream and the GO FOR IT (I am preaching to myself here).
  6. Look at unexpected surprises as “God Moments!”  Oh, I could share some MIGHTY God Moments with you which have happened in our life just in the past 2 weeks…….God Moments are my favorite moments ever!  So thankful that even in our sorrow, God reveals Himself fully, present, whole…..all we have to do is pay attention and accept HIS PLAN!
  7. Give thanks in EVERYTHING!  I know, much easier said than done but so worthwhile!  I have been making lists…..(I am good at lists as I am so OCD), but these lists are things I am thankful for even when I don’t feel like I have much to be thankful for and guess what??  I have LOTS to be thankful for.
  8. Be patient…….God truly has a plan and He will reveal it in His time………be still, wait on Him and He will bless you!

Oh I could go on but my eyes are getting heavy (hey, it is only 12:07am, that is a miracle)!  I just had to hop on here and share some lessons I have learned, am trying to learn and realizing that life isn’t nearly as bad as it could be.  I know I share A LOT of sad, heartbreaking and difficult things; but through it all God is faithful, loving, good, kind, gracious and mighty.  He loves me.  He loves you.  He knows your hardships and heartaches.  He, in his infinite wisdom and timing will reveal His plan…..when He does, be ready because He will have blessings and miracles and joy beyond your wildest imagination……trust me……I know as the last 2 weeks have proven to me that He isn’t finished with me yet and His blessings are far greater than I ever imagined!

Good night friends…….God Bless!

Psalm 27 King James Version (KJV)

27 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.

When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.

10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.

11 Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.

12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.

13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.

Until next time………

NYC – Day 3 and 4

Okay, so obviously I got really behind in my blogging from my NYC trip so I will wrap it up with the last 2 days in one post.  I truly just want this documented for me, so feel free not to read it!  LOL!

Day 3 was an emotional day.  We stayed in Times Square so we hopped the Subway and traveled to China Town where I may or may not have wheeled and dealed with the locals to possibly buy Dennis a Rolex watch and me a Michael Kors purse and Tiffany sunglasses.  After that, we went to One World Trade Center.  If I recall, we spent about 5 hours touring the site of the Twin Towers and going through the museum.  It was emotional, tearful, sacred……reading the stories, hearing the voices of those who left messages to their loved ones, watching the videos, seeing the broken, burnt, destroyed remains of that day… was like living it all over again but this time standing on the soil where it happened.  I honestly can say….if you have never been to Ground Zero and you get to NYC it is a MUST see.  You will not regret going and paying tribute to the many men and women who died that day all due to a horrific, horrendous, evil, monstrous attack of terrorism.  I will personally NEVER FORGET!  Here are some pictures I did take until my phone battery decided to die…….I wish I had more of the actual memorial.  My dumb phone was at 80% when we got there and then went down to 1% before we got inside the museum!

On our way to 9/11 Memorial. This was outside our hotel in Times Square. I was waiting for the girls to come downstairs and talked to these officers for about 20 minutes….y’all know I am not shy! LOL!  I texted Dennis this picture and he knew I was safe!

This firefighter came to pay his respects and was kind enough to take pictures with us.


While we were there so were my friends John and Kerri Soud and their kids Missy and Jackson. We met up with them at the Memorial and chatted for a few. So funny to me that I rarely ever saw them in Jax where we live but saw them in NYC!  Now I am in business with John and Kerri with Vasayo!  Who knew?!?!


Day 4 was our last day but nothing was stopping Donna and me from showing up at Fox News and trying to get glimpses of Steve, Brian and our favorite Ainsley!  So, Donna and I got up really early, got dressed and headed to Fox.  Unfortunately, we just missed them out on the Plaza with Dairy Queen.  We were so disappointed but Donna got herself a free ice cream cone.  They offered me one but I can’t eat ice cream at 7am! I hadn’t even had my coffee yet!

I really was hoping I would meet Ainsley and get her to sign a copy of her Children’s book that Dennis had bought me for Christmas.  I know, it is a children’s book but I asked for it!  Anyway, Donna and I were about to give up ever seeing her or the guys and we decided to cut up an alley way behind Fox News and lo and behold THERE THEY WERE in the studio!  Who knew you could see them.  We were so excited.  They waved at us and blew us kisses.  That is when I held up the book and Ainsley saw it and told me she would sign it!  Eeeeeekkkkkk, I was so stinkin’ excited!  She couldn’t come outside but sent her assistant to get it from me and signed it for Hannah!  This made my trip complete!

I was dying here….she was waving at ME!


Signing the book for Hannah!




A treasure for sure! Thank you Ainsley!


After this, we headed back to the hotel to pack and get ready to go home.  The trip had come to an end and we were so sad, but it truly was a trip of a lifetime with 3 of my favorite girls on the planet.  Before we all departed to go our separate ways we had already started to talk about our next girls trip!  So ready to do it again!

When they left the hotel (they flew out earlier than I did), I picked up my phone and Facetimed this beauty and then got excited to get home to the two who hold my heart.

Until next time………..

I Didn’t Realize


For nearly 16 years I have kissed my husband goodbye each day and watched as he drives off into a dangerous and unknown world. I have prayed more for him and his safety than I have prayed for anything else, including healing for Hannah.  I married Dennis knowing that he took a vow nearly 23 years ago to serve, protect and possibly have to pay the ultimate sacrifice for a complete stranger; so I knew coming into this it wouldn’t always be easy but let me tell you what I didn’t realize.

  • I didn’t realize some of the things that he would see and hear and be faced with.
  • I didn’t realize he would often times, without wanting to, bring that work home with him
  • I didn’t realize the hurt he would have for some of the victims of violent crimes that he has dealt with
  • I didn’t realize the disrespect he and his fellow officers would be shown
  • I didn’t realize the blatant disregard for human life that he would encounter
  • I didn’t realize that the dream of being an officer would eventually turn into the dream of counting down the days until retirement
  • I didn’t realize that the day would come when wearing a badge and a gun, swearing to serve and protect could possibly become a death sentence
  • I didn’t realize how unsafe the world would become where he would be a target
  • I didn’t realize the tears that either of us would shed
  • I didn’t realize that unfortunately “political correctness” could cost him or some of his fellow officers their jobs
  • I didn’t realize that he would be more safe as a civilian than as an officer

As his wife, I have become angry more than once due to the things he has had to deal with and face.  I get angry when our officers are attacked, ambushed, killed and disrespected.  I always think…..that could be my husband, my brother or my friend.  I am just his wife, I don’t face the dangers he does but I feel every single emotion he does.  Watching the news and hearing of officers being attacked and murdered sends sharp pains of anger through my entire being.  This world in which we live has turned its back on God and the laws of the land.  In return, the evil people out there are seeking to destroy justice and all who try to serve and protect.  As the wife, sister and friend to MANY of these officers I am outraged, saddened and disgusted by the lack of respect for their God-given authority.

As a child I was taught to respect the law and those enforcing it.  Today’s children are not being taught that, instead they are being taught to disregard the law and hate those enforcing it.  Shame on you parents who aren’t showing your children by example and speaking with them often about the reason we have laws, the reason we should obey them and the reason we should respect those in authority.

This week is National Police Memorial Week, which is observed each year in the month of May, where we honor and remember those who have paid the ultimate sacrifice.  Those who lost their lives and the families that they left behind.  I pray I am never one of those families.  I pray that my husband’s career won’t ask that price of him to be paid.  I pray that people would take a moment and realize what these men and women in blue are willing to do for you and for me and that they too, like you, have families and loved ones that are being asked to sacrifice as well.

Many days and nights Hannah and I don’t see Dennis due to working his full-time job as a detective and then the side jobs he does to supplement his income so that I can stay home.  He works hard, he works well, he cares about people (way more than I do) and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that from the moment nearly 23 years ago that he lifted his hand and swore to defend and protect the citizens of Jacksonville, that he still takes that vow seriously today.  A little over 2 years from now his career as a police officer will be over and I will be honest……I will not miss the life he has had to live nor the life that has been asked and required of Hannah and me.  I will breathe easier each day when he signs off the radio for the very last time and walks away and into our home never to put on that uniform again.

I am so very proud of him, but I long for the day where I can be assured he will not be asked to pay the ultimate sacrifice in the line of duty, like too many already have.  If you think about it, thank an officer.  A simple “thank you for your service to our community” goes a long way.

Thank you to all the men and women, in Jacksonville and in every city of every state for doing a job that truly requires a willingness to sacrifice.  You sacrifice your family, your financial stability, your time, possibly your life all defending, protecting and serving complete strangers.  God bless you, each and every one!



From last year’s National Police Memorial Week in Washington DC


3 of the bravest I know!


My hubby and my brother! They both have my heart….so proud of them.


Until next time……..


Miracle In A Bottle

Oh friends, I will keep this blog post short but I had to hop on here and show you THIS picture:

This SMILE is a direct result of a RESTFUL night sleep (and lots and lots and lots of prayer). THIS bottle is my MIRACLE right now!

For 3 nights we have used Vasayo Sleep Spray with Hannah.  Each night her falling to sleep time has been between 6-15 minutes instead of 1-3 hours!  Not only is she falling asleep quickly, but she is STAYING asleep…..12-13 hours each night!  Friends and family, that is a miracle I have been praying for a very LONG time.  In the nearly 4 years since Hannah got so sick one of our biggest concerns and issues has been insomnia.  Either she takes FOREVER to go to sleep or she wakes up throughout the night 10-15 times and comes in our room for me to walk her back to her bed again.  No sleep at night = a bad day the following day.  It has been a vicious cycle of no sleep for her, no sleep for me and ZERO time at night for Dennis and me to just have a few hours together.  My health has declined, Hannah’s health of course has declined and in all honesty, it truly affects every aspect of your life and marriage negatively!  Our bodies NEED sleep….but not just sleep… needs RESTFUL sleep.

Is this a shameless plug for Vasayo?  I don’t look at it that way.  Am I in the business?  YES, but as I stated in my last blog post, I have my WHY’s and Hannah is my #1 WHY!  She is the reason I even tried this product to begin with and in all honesty, had it not been my friends John and Kerri selling the product, I wouldn’t have looked twice at it.  John is a doctor, a GREAT doctor and the fact that he understands the science behind the 5 products we sell was enough for me to try them and they are amazing.  John and Kerri care about people…..they cared enough about Hannah, Dennis and me to want to help.  I care about people and when something works, you have to share it with those you care about!  I love John’s philosophy…..”let’s have fun, let’s help a lot of people and make some money.”  For me, it isn’t about the money (even though I am not going to lie, a little extra wouldn’t hurt my family), but it is about helping others, ESPECIALLY my little girl who has suffered horrifically for SO VERY LONG!

I promise my blog won’t be just about Vasayo but I am going to keep you all updated as to how Hannah continues to improve.  I still have 2  more Vasayo products to try with her…..Core Essentials and Neuro.  My goal……to heal her naturally and come off all the prescriptions that we can!  If Vasayo can work for Hannah (and me), I am convinced it can work for anyone!  If you want to read more about it, check out my website at

I had to share this picture as THIS is my little girl!  She is back!  She is sleeping at night and waking up HAPPY, ENERGIZED, LOVING and so very SWEET!  Oh, thank you Lord, for this miracle!

Until next time…….


My Why

Have you ever just asked WHY?  Why things happen in life the way they do?  Why the plans and dreams you had are dismantled, destroyed and left in shattered pieces on the floor?  Why did a good, loving, gracious God allow something bad to happen?  Why do you have to watch a loved one (especially your child) suffer horrifically?  There are so many WHY questions that are “negative” and hard to answer.  Last night a good friend of mine asked me…..”Tamara what is your WHY?”  He asked me not in the “negative” aspect but the positive.  In other words…..Why are you in this, what can you do about it, what is the purpose behind it and are you ready to do something about your why?

About a month or so ago I started using a new product called Vasayo.  Originally after hearing about it I thought “perhaps it could help Hannah.”  But, before ever trying it with her, I decided to give it a test run myself.  My friends John and Kerri Soud were kind enough to supply me with a few samples and I faithfully used those samples over the past month.  Let me tell you what I have found to be true……this might be hard for me to admit, but I need you to hear this.

For nearly 4 years,  I have struggled….day in and day out on this rollercoaster ride with Hannah.  The toll it has taken on me spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically is undeniable; yet I was in denial.   The denial turned into silent suffering and intrusive thoughts…..thoughts like ” I don’t want to do this anymore” and “heaven would be so much easier” and “I am going to end up either dead or in a mental institution.”  I told you, not easy to admit but total honesty and transparency.  Things got so bad for me that I actually made a comment to Dennis about 2 months ago that literally made him so angry…….I said, “one day you will be visiting me in a padded cell.”  At the time I thought I was being funny, but it wasn’t; as I have learned in heartache you speak your heart and my heart was heavy, sad, anxious, lonely and just plain DONE!  That was a pivotal moment for me as I watched as my words cut my husband to his core, brought anger to the surface and tears down his cheeks.  At that time, he admitted to me that his greatest fear was that he was going to come home one day and I would have ended it all and taken my own life.  Full disclosure…..had it crossed my mind a time or two….yes, perhaps.  Would I have done it, I pray not.  But that moment standing in our kitchen was a time I will never forget and a wake up call for me.  It was time to get help.  What I wasn’t prepared for or expecting was the help that was right around the corner for me.

Enter John and Kerri Soud……I have known them both since our growing up years at First Baptist Church.  Probably since Junior High School.  John was older than me and Kerri younger and we knew each other but our circle of friends were different; but although we didn’t “hang out” we all knew each other.  John went on to become a doctor and he and Kerri married and we have kept in touch on Facebook.  Anyway, John and Kerri shared a post on Facebook about a month and a half ago about a new product on the market…..Vasayo.  It is a company that carries 5 products to help with energy, sleep, inflammation/pain, Neuro (mood, cravings, brain fog) and an overall multi-vitamin.  The main draw for me was not for me but for Hannah as this product, due to the Liposome technology gets right into your cells and with Hannah and her malabsorption issues that was HUGE for me.  So, I reached out to Kerri and asked her about the products and she invited me to a Vasayo event with them.  Now…..I knew this was a Multi-level Marketing company but the draw for me to go and hear about the products over-powered the “business aspect.”  I truly just wanted to hear about these amazing products that were new to the market.

I have tried MANY products with Hannah……shakes, fiber things, green things, pink things, oils; all of which I truly believe work for some people but have NEVER worked with Hannah and I believe that is due mostly to her body not being able to absorb the nutrients from those products.  Me personally, I have tried the shakes but I struggle drinking my food…..I like to eat.  So, this new technology of sprays and capsules that get directly infused into the cells of your body was intriguing to say the least.  John and Kerri graciously offered, with no strings attached and no pressure, to give me some samples to try.  So, I decided to try them for myself.

Oh my…..the difference was amazing.  Y’all I wouldn’t lie to you!  I have felt free, happy, energized.  The weight that I have carried for nearly 4 years was finally manageable.  I was mentally clearer, I was emotionally much better and I had energy and motivation for the first time in forever.  I was sold!  I thought…, Dennis is going to use this product too and I thought we would sign up to be customers UNTIL last night.

My dad has suffered horribly with knee pain for a long time now and truly needs knee replacement surgery but the stubborn bull-headed man he is refuses to go through surgery.  John was again gracious enough to give my dad a sample of the Renew, which is the pain/anti-inflammatory spray.  Dad has used it for 1 week and has felt better than he has felt in a year!  He rode his bike the other day for 45 minutes with no pain when prior to that he couldn’t ride it for more than 5 minutes without excruciating pain.  He was sold!

Last night John and Kerri took me to dinner and then to another Vasayo event, this time for me to hear about the business.  Now, let me just say this……I swore I would NEVER do any kind of multi-level marketing job……until last night.  I was asked “Tamara, what is your Why?”  Not why do bad things happen or why am I on this journey…..but what is your why for doing a business like Vasayo?  That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks……I have 3 why’s:

  1. HANNAH – to finally help her heal….if not from using these products (which I will get to in a minute) but by affording Dennis and me the financial resources to get the treatment she needs that insurance won’t pay for…….(PANDAS doctor and High Dose IVIG).
  2. DENNIS – my sweet husband is retiring in 2-1/2 years……the thought of him being able to completely retire without needing to find another job so he can be home with Hannah and me?  I mean, how great would that be for all 3 of us?
  3. MY HURTING PANDAS COMMUNITY – the families I know who are suffering, struggling and feeling hopeless watching as their children suffer horrendously from an autoimmune disease.  A disease that is ripping their lives apart and making their children lose their precious childhood days!

THOSE are my WHY’S!  Those are the reasons that last night I became a Brand Partner with Vasayo.  A company whose motto is God, Family, Business.  A group of people who want to have fun, make some money and most importantly HELP PEOPLE!  Last night I did something I swore I would never do……I entered the world of Multi-level marketing and I am so stinking excited tonight because of THIS…….are you ready……this is my last paragraph……if you read nothing else…..READ THIS LAST PARAGRAPH!

Finally, I decided okay……it was time to try this product on Hannah.  Tonight, for the first time ever I gave her one squirt of the Sleep Spray prior to bed.  Since November my sweet little girl has taken anywhere from 45 minutes -3 hours to fall asleep at night.  She receives 11 pills and 2 liquid meds at night (some of them strictly for sleep) and yet she will lay in bed for HOURS and cannot shut her eyes.  So, I gave her one squirt of the Sleep Spray in her mouth.  It calls for 4 squirts (adult dose) so I started with one not thinking it wouldn’t do much but didn’t want to overdo it the first time.  After her medications and her squirt of Sleep, Dennis did her bedtime routine……potty, lavender, teeth, book and prayers while I came into the office to prepare for a conference call.  All of a sudden Dennis appeared in the office and I asked, “is everything okay,” as I was shocked he wasn’t with Hannah.  He looked at me and said “6 minutes.”  I asked, “what?”  He said, “6 minutes….that is all it took and she was OUT LIKE A LIGHT!”  WHAT?????  Did y’all read that?  Read it again!  For 6 LONG months my little girl has had insomnia and not been able to fall asleep……for 6 LONG months she has suffered and frankly we have too.  Tonight, after 1 squirt of Sleep spray, once she was tucked in bed she was out in 6 minutes.  As I type this…..I can hear her slow, steady, sweet breathing over the baby monitor.  MIRACLE?  In my opinion, absolutely, positively YES!  Do you want to hear more?  I am happy to share because you know what?  NOTHING matters more to me than Hannah but if this can help her……it can help anyone!  For the first time in 4 years I have HOPE!  I have hope for better days ahead and hope that we are on to something that can bring my little girl back!  I am going to try the Neuro and Multi-Vitamin with her in the days ahead…..I will keep you posted.  I am so excited tonight.  It is 12:11 am and I might have to take a squirt of Sleep spray myself to go to sleep as I truly have never been so excited about anything in nearly 4 years.

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Until next time………