The Bible talks about Seasons of Life in Ecclesiastes Chapter 3.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
A time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
A time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
A time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
A time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
A time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
A time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Seasons of life can be happy, easy and fun or sad, challenging and difficult. We all have seasons of life. Some seasons tend to be longer than others; we have been in a challenging seasons for years now! HA! I will admit, just the other night I laid in bed unable to fall asleep (that has been happening more and more lately) and I just prayed and asked God if we would ever get another season of life that was happy, easy and fun. He, of course, didn’t verbally answer me but as I prayed about our situation (Hannah, the deaths of Dennis’ parents, my health and my mom) it was like He spoke to me because I remembered the above scriptures from Ecclesiastes and also this scripture from John 16:33:
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
I find great comfort in God’s word and His promises. In fact, so much that if it weren’t for my faith and hope in Christ I am not sure I would be managing life as well as I do. I say that kind of chuckling though as there are many days I am just a hot mess and don’t manage life well at all. So, imagine what it would be like without my faith. I don’t understand why we have to go through so many difficult seasons. It truly is a roller coaster ride of emotions, feelings and this year especially heartache. I long for peace and happiness in our life. I long for smooth sailing and even just a brief time of calmness before the next storm. I find myself begging God for just a small break in the clouds……it hasn’t happened yet but I know one thing for sure…..we are in a season of life and God has and continues to go before us in this season and for that I am so grateful. I can hold on because I have hope that one day nothing we go through on this earth is going to matter……Heaven is my eternity.
One of my greatest heartaches and I laid in bed last night thinking about this with tears in my eyes is that Hannah doesn’t know the joys of life. She doesn’t have friends. She can’t go to school or church. She gets no interaction or fellowship with others. Yes, so much of that has to do with her immune system but also her anxiety. Watching your child riddled with horrific anxiety is probably one of the worst things I have ever encountered. The anxiety she gets from having her routine slightly changed, having to leave the house (even just getting her to step outside) is torture for her. Riding in the car puts her in panic mode….heck, she never wants to leave her playroom…..the OCD she has is extreme. I know people “tease” and joke about OCD and I get it…..I used to joke about mine all the time until I saw the far extreme of bad OCD coming from your child. It is real stuff and it is HARD to watch and deal with. I laid in bed last night asking and pleading with God to make it better for Hannah so we could all live life…..I don’t know if He will answer me the way I want it answered; but again the peace He gives helps me push through the pain.
I read an article yesterday (actually it was a blog post) about the Isolation of Special Needs Parents and it was so accurate and true. It is a hard, lonely and at times a very sad existence. I will be honest, there are times I want more….I want to live….I want a social life….I want to work and earn money….I want to just leave my house and go out to dinner or shopping or vacation without paying a babysitter (which are so hard to come by anyway) a small fortune. So many of my family and friends are in a season of life that is so good….their kids are older or grown and there is no holding them back from doing the fun things families do. Dennis and I take separate vacations and do things separately a lot due to lack of childcare available. She is 13 years old but I have a feeling this “season” will never end…..the season of always having to have someone with her if we can’t be will always be a factor and at times that gets me really down and depressed. I think sometimes about the “what-if’s.” I know that is dangerous……but the “what-if” she was typically developed. Oh what a different season of life we would be in. I am sure raising a typically developed teenager is not easy but the joy of not having to wipe butts, bathe them, feed them, stay in the room with them as they fall asleep, tell them they need to drink, when to go potty….BUYING pull-ups! Oh the list goes on…..
Okay, I will stop now. I know this blog post is all over the place. Perhaps I shouldn’t publish it but my thoughts are overflowing right now and I had to get it written out…..it is certainly cheaper than therapy (even though I do that too). Seasons of life…..we all have them, they are all different for everyone….I am just so happy I can find some peace through each season because of my faith in God. If not for Him……I am not sure I could handle these challenging seasons at all. Thankful for His promises especially in the really hard seasons like right now.
Until next time……..