What is it about me and writing after midnight? I just got home awhile ago from an amazing event with some of my Vasayo family and some new friends. As much fun as tonight was something hit me after we got home……something I want to ask of you all. Would you read this and help me? I promise it has nothing to do with my new business but everything to do with my heart and the heartache I have for Hannah.
You see, for most of Hannah’s life she has been sick. A low immune system as a baby that got better and then bottomed out again when PANDAS hit has kept Hannah extremely isolated from life and having something that is so very important to ALL of us…….FRIENDS!
What would we do without friends? You know, those people who know every.single.thing about you…..the good, the bad, the sweet, the ugly…..everything and yet they love you no matter what. Those friends who are more like family! I am blessed to have friends like that. Some of them lifelong, some who I met in high school, some at church, some through jobs I have had and through Dennis’ job, some because of Hannah having Down Syndrome and then PANDAS and the list goes on. I am so very fortunate to have some really good, loyal, honest, giving, praying and loving friends; those who have been there for me through the good times and the bad times. I consider myself extremely rich in life because of the good friends I have. Here is my heartache though…….
HANNAH…..she knows what friends are. She used to have them when she could go to school and church. She loved them and still does. She misses them and tonight my heart is breaking. At this event I watched the kids who were there and life is so different for those sweet children versus Hannah. My friends’ John and Kerri have such sweet kids (their daughter Missy seriously cracked me up tonight with her shenanigans). I met some new friends tonight (the Melton’s) and their 3 kids were absolutely PRECIOUS! My sweet friends Mark and Julie have 3 beautiful and precious children. I could see all these kids befriending Hannah; accepting her being different and loving her despite her disabilities. But, you see, we have a problem……Hannah’s immune system, which for so long has kept her isolated from having friends. Oh my, I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I want MORE….SO MUCH MORE for my sweet girl. I want her to experience life having friends. I want her to have friends like her with disabilities but also friends who are “typically developed” who will love her and protect her and always have her back. I want her to know what I know….that friends are God’s way of showing unconditional love and devotion to us all. I want that for her more than I want anything.
I will admit though, I am so scared……as a mom who is the one who takes care of her when she gets sick that is a hard call for me. I want to protect her but I want her to experience life having friends. I want to keep her well because sickness, ANY kind of sickness, is hard on her to get over and then the flare that it can send her in due to PANDAS could be devastating. I live in fear of germs. I live in fear of sickness. I live in fear of “what if.” I don’t know if you can comprehend this completely unless you have a chronically ill child, but it is a real fear and it is so very difficult…..BUT……I WANT MORE FOR HER.
Will you help me? Will you pray that we can figure out a way to build her immune system and also that God will help me let go just a little. That the fear that consumes me will lessen? My fear is real and my instincts of keeping her well are my #1 priority but at what cost to her? What cost to me? I am being as real as I can here……I want more for her but I want her to stay well too. Will y’all join me in prayer? Ask God to help her doctors and me to figure something out. Y’all, Vasayo has helped her tremendously. She is a different child and some of our products can help boost the immune system….would you pray with me that would happen for her? I want her to live life to its fullest! She has cousins she has never even met. She has friends that she hasn’t seen in 4 years. She has family and friends who love us and love her and we have to keep them away. Would you join me in prayer? She is doing amazingly well thanks to all your prayers and Vasayo but I WANT MORE for her. Will you join me? Please? No prayer is too big for MY GOD! Thank you friends……thank you family……thank you all for continuing to walk with us on this journey that I KNOW God has a reason for……THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE GIRL DESERVES MORE! I want her to know what true friendship is all about……..will you help me by praying. Praying specifically for her immune system to improve so she can find the joy in friendship?
Until next time………