My Heart

I promise this won’t be a long drawn out blog post but I was just sitting here thinking about the past nearly 12 years.  Hannah has ALWAYS been sick.  It began in the womb and has continued until today.  For almost 12 years I have loved her, taken care of her and prayed over her.  For 12 years I have begged God to give her a break and to heal her.  The past 4 years have been the hardest.  I think in my 45 years of life I have cried more the past 4 years than I have in the 41 years prior.  I have never begged, pleaded and promised God more than I have in this past 4 years to just please send me something to help my little girl feel better.  I never stopped praying for healing but I started asking him “if you aren’t going to heal her, send us a miracle to help her.”  God sent Vasayo…..what I didn’t expect was the miracle I would receive as well.

I never knew this kind of love existed…..the love you have for your child.  I never knew you could love someone so much that it hurt.  People have asked me many times “why did you only have one child?”  Oh, the answer to that is so easy……”it hurt to love someone this much.”  Honestly, had Hannah not had the physical and mental issues she was born with, Dennis and I most likely would have had another child (well…..maybe…..he wanted more, but I always said I was one and done).  It wasn’t because I didn’t think I could handle it, it was truly because my heart was breaking each and every day as I watched my baby endure so much more than I ever had.  I mean, she has had 3 open-heart surgeries, multiple other surgeries and procedures, illness after illness and each time my heart shattered a little bit more as I watched helplessly.  But, through it all God was at work.  He was doing something behind the scenes that I knew nothing about.  He was molding and shaping Hannah, Dennis and me to one day be able to share of His miracles.  He was leading us in the valley so we could shout His praise from the mountaintop.  My dear friend Karen Carroll told me prior to Hannah’s birth something I will never forget.  She said, “Tamara, if we could see what God sees; if we could see the big picture, we would choose the same life that He has chosen for us.  If we knew what God knew then we would be right here in the same place He has us.”  She told me that prior to Hannah ever being born (even though we knew she would have a chromosome abnormality and a really bad congenital heart defect).

My heart……this precious little girl.  This miraculous gift from God (who the doctors said wouldn’t survive birth, by the way).  This sweet, beautiful little girl made in HIS image who has been through more than most adults and yet……she has persevered, she is resilient, she never complains and she smiles through the pain.  My heart, my hero, my teacher, my friend, my greatest gift and biggest blessing…….HANNAH!  I speak her name and tears well up in my eyes.  Isn’t that a beautiful name?  In all honesty it was the ONLY girls name Dennis and I could agree on.  HA!  We knew her middle name would be Brooke (after my cousin) but the first name we struggled with and Dennis was driving down the road and saw a street sign named Hannah and he called me and said, “how about Hannah Brooke?”  YES!  We finally agreed!  He wanted a Biblical name and I wanted a “trendy” name…..he won; but I look at her and it was the perfect name for her.  I know I totally just got off the subject but that is what my brain does at midnight!  HA!

There is so much God is doing right now in our life.  From the results of the Vasayo products in all 3 of us to the business to the community we are a part of to the friends we have made.  I could go on and on and on BUT GOD……He brought all of these things together in HIS time.  He has blessed us in so many ways in just the last month with a product that works, a business opportunity,  a paycheck I haven’t had in 12 years, an amazing trip to Las Vegas, a new car, new friends, amazing co-workers, etc…..BUT most of all…..MY HEART…..MY HANNAH…..maybe not healed but SO much better and getting better each and every day.  After 4 very dark and lonely years……I will take THIS!  I can do THIS!  We are beginning to live again instead of merely existing……My heart is beating again and I am so very thankful to the Lord!  It is ALL because of HIM!

One more thing and I will go to bed……..Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who is hurting.  You might just be the person that God uses to bring hope, light and life back to them.  Had it not been for my friends John and Kerri investing in Hannah and me we wouldn’t be here, in this place, right now.  I would still be searching for answers, hope and healing and Hannah would still be suffering.  Don’t be afraid to get “uncomfortable” and help someone!  Because John and Kerri weren’t afraid to get “uncomfortable” Hannah is better.  I am forever indebted and forever grateful!  I could share more about what has transpired all because of Vasayo with me but I will wait until another day because right now all that matters is that Hannah is better and getting better each and every day.

Thank you Lord!  Thank you John and Kerri!  Thank you Vasayo!

If you want to know more you can go to my website at http://www.tblankinchip.vasayo.com

My heart……..

Until next time……..

 

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One thought on “My Heart

  1. Monica says:

    Rejoicing with you in ALL that God is doing in and through the Blankinchip family! Our God reigns FOREVER!
    You will continue to be in our prayers.
    Blessings Dear Family,
    Monica

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